Living in a Triangle
by anacsadder
Summary: Fed up with the gossip and social pressure surrounding their unusual relationship, Daisy and her two Weegees begin a new life in Diamond City. Daisy, Luigi, Waluigi.
1. Purple Parasomniac

Moving sucked more than Daisy thought it would, especially when it was to a place as strange as Diamond City. It was her own fault for getting kicked out of the castle, however, and she couldn't go back now. Her parents were right. If she really was old enough and smart enough to make her own decisions, she was old enough and smart enough to eke out an independent living. Besides, she wasn't alone in the whole ordeal.

She trudged up the front steps of the cheap apartment building, balancing six Chinese takeout boxes and two bags of basic, essential groceries. The kind of food they could eat while the kitchen was still full of unpacked boxes. She managed to open the front door with her elbow and her hip, but the five flights of stairs that stretched between her and her destination daunted her. Two hours ago, she would've bounded up them without a problem. After making the same trip dozens of times, all morning, carrying heavy boxes, however, she was not anywhere close to the mood for this.

As she rounded the third landing, she heard two familiar voices bickering about two flights up.

"I said _lift_, moron!" Waluigi was yelling.

"Chill out, slim-jim. It's not easy walking backwards," Wario said.

"Either switch ends with me or quit bellyaching about it."

"Why, so you can drop it on me again?"

"I told you that was an accident!"

"Accident my ass, you passive aggressive eggplant!"

At the fourth landing she had to stop. Waluigi, Wario, and a very heavy mattress were blocking the fifth flight of stairs. The purple doppelganger had insisted on bringing his own mattress despite the offer to simply share one with her and Luigi. Other than possibly being custom fit to his height, she wasn't sure what was so special about it, or why he was so set on sleeping by himself for that matter. He wasn't exactly shy about physical affection. Then again, neither she nor Luigi had ever spent an entire night with him. Maybe sleeping alone was merely another of Waluigi's quirks. "Beep beep," she smiled, brushing against him lightly as she slipped past.

"Is that enough for four people?" Wario eyed the takeout boxes as he squished against the wall to let her through.

"If you want more, you can buy it," Daisy said. "I've got to make what I have last."

"I spent all afternoon helping you move. For free! The least you can do is feed me."

"You can have my chicken, fatass. Can we get back to moving the mattress?" Waluigi snapped. It was the last thing that needed to go up, and he was as sick of these stairs as Daisy.

Luigi came out of the apartment to take the grocery bags from Daisy. "They started yelling at each other right after you stepped out and haven't stopped since," Luigi whispered when they were in the kitchen, out of earshot. "Not quite the first impression I wanted to make on the neighbors."

"Things will quiet down when Wario leaves." Daisy shook her head. "I'm surprised it took them this long to get at each other's throats."

Failing to find a free surface, Luigi set the grocery bags on the floor and began shoving things into the fridge. "Yeah," he sighed. "It's like they hate each other more often than not, yet here he is… Helping his brother move…"

Daisy sat on the floor behind Luigi and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sure Mario _wanted_ to come."

"But he didn't," Luigi said flatly. "Daisy, are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Mario loves you. He might be surprised and confused now, but he'll get over it. In the meantime, we have each other." She kissed Luigi on the cheek and then stood up. "I'm going to put the food on the coffee table." As she wove through the box canyons in what would be the living room, she called, "I don't suppose anyone knows where the plates wound up."

"We don't need plates! That's the beauty of fast food!" Wario had finally swapped positions with his brother to shove the mattress through the front door. They only dragged it far enough into the front hallway to close the door before dropping it against a wall. As Wario passed Waluigi, the taller one cuffed him in the back of the skull. Wario picked up his dislodged hat and followed through with a beefy elbow to a skinny shin.

Waluigi simply chuckled, picked up the black garbage bag he'd packed his clothes in, and went to drop it off in his room.

Wario hesitated, glancing at Daisy and the food, and then followed Waluigi. "Hey…" he began once the bedroom door was closed.

"What?" Occupied with shoving a box onto the top shelf of the tiny closet, Waluigi didn't bother turning around.

"Did you tell them yet?"

"Tell them what?" He cocked his head at his brother.

"Don't play dumb. You know what I'm talking about."

He crossed his arms and looked everywhere except directly at Wario. "I'm… waiting for the right moment."

Wario smashed his palm against his face. "Walu!"

"What?" Indignant now.

"It didn't occur to you that _maybe_ the day you move in with them is a good time to bring it up? Or were you gonna wait for them to find out on their own?"

"I'll lock myself in my room like I do at home. They won't have to know for at least a week. Then when I tell them they'll already know it's not a big deal, and they won't…"

"Won't what?"

"I don't know!"

Wario pursed his lips and frowned. "And you shouldn't lock your door. Remember the time you got stuck and I had to break the lock to get to you? That was an expensive repair job."

"That was _one_ time. I don't even use bed sheets anymore."

"Tell them." He pointed a stern finger at his younger brother. "Before you go to sleep."

Waluigi tossed his hands up by his shoulders in a surrendering gesture, but avoided eye contact as he left the room. In the living room, he hopped over the back of the couch and landed in the empty spot next to Luigi. He grabbed the extra carton of white rice and started picking at it with a pair of chopsticks.

Wario dragged over a box of towels and used it as a chair on the opposite side of the table. He watched Waluigi with a pointed look for several seconds, but Waluigi maintained his stubborn, false enthrallment with the rice. Rolling his eyes, Wario decided to let it go for the time being. He claimed one of the plastic forks and shoveled a bite of sweet and sour pork into his mouth. "You given any thought to what you're gonna do next, Princess?" Only Wario could say a title of respect with such natural derision.

Daisy flinched at the title as much as at Wario's habit of talking without swallowing. "I figure it's going to take us the rest of the weekend to get this place straightened up. After that, I'm not sure. I guess I'll have to find a job somewhere." She looked at Luigi. They were both completely new to Diamond City, but at least Luigi had a specific set of useful skills. Daisy wasn't even sure what she wanted to do, much less what she would or could do.

Waluigi propped one foot on the corner of the table and draped a long arm across Luigi and Daisy's shoulders. "Does that mean I get to be your sugar daddy until you're on your feet?" He grinned.

Luigi blushed and swallowed his mouthful of food with an audible gulp. Wario hadn't shown any inclination to judge the trio's unique romantic situation, but the attention drawn from Waluigi's shameless PDA was a little too much for the shier half of the Mario brothers. Luigi had a sneaking suspicion that sometimes Waluigi did it for the sole purpose of flustering him. He was the kind of guy who would pull a person's hair and call it flirting, after all.

"Be our sugar daddy with what, exactly?" Daisy raised a teasing eyebrow.

"I saved a good chunk of money freeloading off of Wario for four years."

"Wait, what?" Wario's eyes narrowed.

"It's too late to get upset about it now." Waluigi took a very smug bite of his rice.

Wario snatched the untouched carton of cashew chicken from Waluigi's side of the table. "I'm eating your chicken."

Scrawny shoulders drew up in a shrug. "Fine. I already said you could have it."

"And you're paying me back for the TV you wrecked."

Waluigi froze with the chopsticks halfway to his mouth.

"Haha! You forgot about that, didn't you?"

"What did you do to the TV?" Luigi asked, quirking his eyebrows.

Why did Waluigi's more innocent half have to be so damn cute when he was curious? Looking at that sweet little face locked the lying center in his brain right up. Waluigi would have kicked the box right out from under his fat, stupid sibling for bringing up the TV incident if the other two weren't both staring at him now. Maybe that was the idea, though, he thought as he observed Wario's sly grin. He was trying to make him tell them… "I, um, spilled on it," he mumbled, and then stuffed his mouth with rice until he couldn't talk anymore.

Wario sighed. If Waluigi wasn't going to tell them, he'd have to take matters into his own hands later.

Waluigi upheld the philosophy that the secret to a good lie was leaving out true details, as opposed to creating false ones. It might have worked a while ago, but since Daisy and Luigi had identified the pattern they'd learned how to tell when he was 'leaving out truths.' They'd also learned, however, that the Wa brothers treated goading each other into arguments like a game where the object was to see who snapped first. As such, Daisy decided to change the subject rather than pursue what appeared to be nothing more than Wario being vindictive.

They made small talk until they finished their food, and then dispersed to do some more unpacking. When Wario returned from helping his brother haul the mattress the rest of the way into his room, he found Daisy and Luigi sorting kitchen utensils into drawers. "I'm on my way out. Got an early morning tomorrow." His eyes darted toward Waluigi's bedroom. The door was open a crack.

"Thanks for your help. We never would've gotten the dresser upstairs without you." Daisy smiled and reached out to shake his hand. She felt like she should do something, considering how close she was with his brother, but the pungent man wasn't exactly embraceable.

"Actually," Wario whispered, "can I talk to both of you in the hall for a second?"

Daisy and Luigi exchanged a glance, but followed the man outside.

"Okay." Wario twisted his moustache, trying to decide where to begin. He understood his brother's fears about being rejected if they found out, but giving them some warning had to be better than surprising them with it. "First of all, you need to understand that he wasn't trying to be sneaky when he decided to conceal this… information. He's just much more insecure than he likes to let on."

"What information?" Daisy asked.

"He has sleeping problems, so he takes these pills… Sometimes they have weird side effects."

Daisy took a moment to process the implications of Wario's words. "You mean like sleepwalking?"

"Yeah. _Like_ that. If you hear him doing anything unusual at night, no matter what it is, don't bother trying to wake him. He'll just be confused and irritated. If you ignore it, he'll stop on his own."

"Okay. Thanks for the heads-up," Daisy said slowly.

Wario flashed them both a yellow grin before disappearing down the stairs.

"We shouldn't tell him we know," Luigi said as he watched Wario leave.

"Why not?" Daisy asked. "It might make him feel better, if he knows it doesn't bother us."

"If it embarrasses him that much, he'll get all sulky about Wario telling us. I don't want him moping around his room our first night in our new apartment. He'll either tell us when he's ready, or when he can't hide it anymore."

"That's a fair point." She squeezed his hand. "All right. We'll do it your way." When they went back inside, she found Waluigi putting their sparse collection of glasses away in the kitchen. Most of the stuff in the house was a mismatched merging of Luigi and Waluigi's belongings. Her parents hadn't allowed her to take much with her. She'd gone a long way for this life, but it was worth it. In the aftermath of the exhaustion and stress of moving, the giddiness of the situation finally hit her. She hooked an arm around Waluigi's waist and yanked him into a group hug.

He let out a surprised "Wah!" and almost dropped the glass he was holding.

"What are you doing?" Luigi laughed as she squeezed him and his doppelganger together with all of her strength.

"How did I get lucky enough to have all of the Weegees all to myself?" She smiled. Luigi blushed—sweet, innocent, cuddly. Waluigi grinned—tough, exotic, sexy. She'd never been able to choose one, and she never understood why so many people wanted her to choose when an alternate option existed.

Waluigi bent over slightly, slipped one arm around each of their shoulders, and asked, "You two about done unpacking your room?"

"We have the furniture in place, but we still have some clothes to put away," Luigi said. "Actually, we need to get hangers, but…" He trailed off when he saw the other two smirking at him.

"I'm thinking he means 'is the bed ready,'" Daisy said.

"The b… Oh! Right… Yeah, it is."

"Then let's christen the place," Waluigi said.

Daisy shoved Waluigi off and proclaimed, "Winner gets top," as she ran for the bedroom door.

"Hey!" Waluigi chased after her. "It was my idea! You can't do that!"

Luigi took his time following them. He didn't have any interest in joining the power struggle. They'd wrestle for a bit, try to get him to take a side, and then gang up on him when he refused to assert dominance. Since Waluigi hadn't given him any reason for vengeance today, that projected outcome was fine with Luigi. Besides, between Daisy's athletic physique and Waluigi's stride, he couldn't hope to beat either of them in a race.

000

A few hours later, Daisy and Luigi were both roused from sleep by a loud, long scraping sound in the living room. They heard footsteps and caught snatches of occasional muttering on the other side of their door. "Must be what Wario was talking about," Daisy whispered through a yawn.

"You think he's gonna hurt himself?" Luigi asked. "Maybe we should make sure he's not going to trip or run into something."

"Wario didn't seem too worried about it." Daisy nuzzled her face against Luigi's shoulder.

"Wario doesn't worry about anything but his wallet."

"Mm." Daisy rolled out of bed and went to peak out the door. It was dark, but the light through the curtain revealed a lanky shadow stacking what appeared to be boxes in the middle of the living room. The couch was against the wall at a haphazard angle. As she watched, the figure climbed over the circular wall of cardboard and disappeared inside of it with a dull thud. Curious, Daisy moved closer to look inside. She heard the soft sounds of Luigi following her across the fake wood floor.

Waluigi was curled up on the floor of the box fort hugging a pillow, wearing nothing but poison mushroom boxers. One arm was tucked back so that his temple rested on his forearm and the hand sticking out behind his head twitched slightly. Luigi smiled. He was cute when he was asleep. Neither Daisy nor Luigi had ever thought they would've used such a word to describe the gangly imp, and yet there it was.

"See?" Daisy mouthed, barely a whisper. "He's fine." She jerked her chin at their room in a 'let's go' gesture.

Not two hours later, they awoke again. This time they both shot up in bed as they heard, "Help me… Help me!" followed unintelligible screaming and a chorus of falling boxes. The pair was out of bed and across the room without thinking. A box skittered across the floor and struck the doorframe, leaving a trail of packing paper in its wake. Most of the boxes had been empty, which was fortunate because Waluigi was now buried in them. He squirmed and thrashed, moaning and whimpering in between screams.

Daisy and Luigi shoved the scattered boxes aside and knelt on either side of him. Luigi maintained a safe distance from the thrashing limbs, but Daisy didn't appear too deterred by the threat of a stray slap. "Walgee?" She touched his shoulder, but he writhed out of her grip like she wasn't even there.

"No, no, no…" Waluigi's eyes were open, but unfocused. He rolled onto his stomach and curled into a ball, wrapping his arms around his head. A shudder ran through him.

Daisy put a hand on his back. Every muscle was tight and vibrating beneath his skin. "Come on, wake up."

He whimpered and flipped over again, almost clobbering Luigi with a stray arm. "Nyaaahg!"

"Is he awake or not?" Luigi asked, a little bit frightened.

"I don't think so."

Waluigi screamed again.

"He's not talking to us. He's just talking." Daisy bit her lip. "Wario did say to leave him alone no matter what we hear."

"This isn't sleepwalking," Luigi frowned.

"No, it's not," Daisy sighed. After a couple more failed attempts to wake him, they decided to try it Wario's way and see how things panned out. It wasn't easy sitting by and watching helplessly while he was in such distress, though.

000

When Waluigi finally opened his eyes, the first rays of dawn streaming through the windows stabbed him in the eyeballs. He dug his fists into his eyes and rolled away from the offending light source. _I thought I covered the damn window. _His arm bumped something that yielded with a soft scraping sound. His eyes blinked open. All he could see was dull, matte brown divided in two by a shiny strip. After the initial confusion, he shoved the box a couple inches and continued rolling until he felt the fake wood floor on his face. All of his joints ached. Sometimes he felt like he got more rest when he didn't bother to sleep. After a few more breaths, he sat up and folded his legs in front of him, resting his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands. Waking up like this was almost as shitty as simply not sleeping, too. As the day wore on, however, he knew he would eventually be glad that he had slept.

Something disturbed the boxes in front of him. Waluigi cracked his fingers enough to peek through. Large blue eyes crowned with thick, black eyebrows stared back. The forehead was wrinkled with concern and bore the large, red mark that signaled a night spent face down on a hard surface.

"Are you awake?" Luigi asked.

Waluigi grunted a reply and covered his eyes again. His hands rubbed his face as though he could scrub off the veil of grogginess with imaginary soap.

"What was that?" Luigi asked, tilting his head in an attempt to see his counterpart's face.

"How'd y'get in my room…" Waluigi repeated. "Thought I locked the…"

"We're in the living room," Luigi said.

Waluigi froze and lifted his gaze to meet Luigi's. The lower half of his pointy face remained concealed behind his hands. He looked right and saw the window. He looked left and saw Daisy passed out at the kitchen table her underwear. "Goddammit," he muttered and collapsed forward. His forehead landed in Luigi's fleece-clad lap, but Waluigi barely noticed.

Luigi ran his fingers through his doppelganger's tousled hair. "What happened last night?"

Waluigi shrugged half-heartedly, but didn't bother to move beyond that. "I never remember." His voice was muffled. "Looks like you two know better than I do."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Luigi asked.

"Nope," Waluigi said.

Luigi smiled. "You want some coffee?"

Waluigi responded by scooting closer and lacing his fingers behind Luigi's waist. "Pillows don't get up and get coffee," he grumbled.

Daisy sat up, stretched, and yawned. When she saw her pair of Weegees on the floor together, she smiled lovingly. It was always great to see them getting along. Promising her sore butt and lower back that she'd never fall asleep in that chair again, she took it upon herself to brew the coffee.

Waluigi didn't say another word, either voluntary or in answer to their questions, until they were all piled on the couch with hot mugs in their hands. "You have no idea how weird it feels, knowing I could be doing things that I'll never remember every time I go to sleep," he began, staring into the dark depths of his drink. "The first few times I had the night terrors Wario spent all morning bitching at me about how I wouldn't shut up last night. It drove me nuts, because I had no idea what he was talking about, and the more I pointed that out the more he yelled. I finally set up a camera to record myself when I got in bed. Sure enough, every few days, I'd nod off for an hour or so and start… Well, you saw it…"

Waluigi shook his head. "For a while I avoided sleep, since I already suffered from periods of insomnia. One night I fell asleep on the couch and when I woke up there was soda all over the TV. The can was on the floor. I still don't know what happened, but Wario wasn't happy about that, either."

A long, slender finger traced around the top of the mug. "The sleepwalking is probably a side effect of the sleeping pills. I figured it was a fair trade-off for the insomnia and the night terrors. At the very least it was a little easier to hide. That was assuming the night terrors had stopped, though. Maybe Wario finally decided there was no point in constantly complaining about something I couldn't remember."

"You should've told us earlier. You scared us half to death last night," Daisy said.

"Yeah, I do hate being a nuisance…" He glared at the air between his face and the opposite wall.

Daisy frowned up at him. "You know that's not what I meant. We were worried about you."

He shrugged. "It's another weird thing for people to gawk at me for… makes me hard to live with… I thought you might change your minds."

She smiled and hugged his arm. "I like you a little strange. You wouldn't be my Walgee if you weren't. Honestly, the most unsettling thing about it was not knowing what was happening."

"We need to get you off the medication," Luigi said from the other side of him. "Then we can find a safer way to get you to sleep."

Waluigi gritted his teeth and winced. "You realize I haven't been off the medication for more than a couple nights in a very long time… "

"Don't be so dramatic. You'll be fine."

"If you insist," he sighed, putting his cup on the table. His arms draped around their shoulders and pulled them closer. It was a silent thank you, because as soft as they made him feel sometimes he had to draw the line somewhere. Recalling how jittery and frustrated sleep deprivation made him, however, he hoped they really could help as much as they thought they could.

**A/N: I don't necessarily intend for this to be sexually or violently explicit. I'm just not completely sure that a three-way romantic relationship is considered PG-13/T content, regardless of how explicit or inexplicit I am about it. If anyone knows, tell me. Though I may leave the M rating to give myself more freedom in the future. I intend to make this more of an episodic collection of stories surrounding the main premise and characters, as opposed to one long-running plot, so it's hard to say where it will end up.**

**I'd also like to give a special nod to CrazeeCanadia. I've always been drawn to creepy looking characters like Waluigi, but her adorable WalGi stories gave me a new appreciation for his little green counterpart. **


	2. Independence Insecurity

Daisy stood on tiptoe in front of the bathroom mirror. Her calves pressed against the side of the tub in her effort to see as much of herself as she could. Of course no matter how she stretched and twisted the bathroom was too small and the mirror was too short to display all of her. With a deep sigh, she dropped her hands to her sides and squared her shoulders. She wore a yellow, button down shirt with cap sleeves and an knee-length orange skirt. The ensemble made her feel ridiculous. It was similar to—though less severe than—the affect of putting on her gown and tiara. Cute and clean had never looked the way she envisioned herself and it was a bit jarring to see it in the mirror. Running her fingers through her hair, she walked out to the living area.

Waluigi was in the kitchen, surrounded by pots and pans. In between long drags from an ever-present mug of coffee, he was flipping pancakes and frying hash browns. The aroma of bacon and sausage permeated the air. Luigi sat at the table already, digging happily through a huge plate of food. When he saw Daisy, he grinned. "Welcome to Waluigi's House of Waffles. Party of one, is it?"

Waluigi snorted. "You're not as funny as you think you are, pipsqueak." But he was smiling.

"_Is_ there an occasion?" Daisy asked, eying all the food. She didn't even remember buying half of the ingredients he had out. He must've gone to the store—at some point between midnight when they'd left him on the couch and 8am when they'd awakened to the sound of him clattering around the kitchen.

"Found some extra time after I finished dragging the empty boxes to the dumpster." He made a plate and plopped it unceremoniously in front of her place at the table.

"You look sharp," Luigi commented.

"I'm glad someone thinks so," she said. "I feel stiff and stuffy."

"No, it's great," Luigi insisted. "Cute and professional."

She looked to Waluigi, who was in the process of pouring another cup of coffee. "What about you?"

"What about me what?" He asked as he picked up an extra piece of bacon.

"Any thoughts?" She did a little twirl.

He took a bite of the bacon and chewed slowly as he contemplated her. Finally he said, "I want to bend you over a desk and spank you with a ruler for forgetting your homework."

"I do not look like a school girl," Daisy scowled.

"Eh…" He held his hand horizontally and tipped it side to side.

She huffed and shook her head. "The skirt is too much. I'm changing."

Luigi caught her hand as she spun away from them. "You look fine. Don't worry so much."

"I've never job hunted before. I have no idea what I'm doing," she collapsed into her chair.

"Nothing bad is going to happen. People are nice. Just be friendly and confident," Luigi said.

"And don't be afraid to color in the truth when you have to," Waluigi winked as he bowed between them. "Gotta soften your weaknesses." Taking a chin in each hand, he kissed both sets of lips in turn. "I picked up copies of the bus schedule for you. Good luck." Then he was out the front door.

Daisy sat quietly for a moment, contemplating Waluigi's advice. She didn't have any 'real world' experience. Her parents had groomed her to take over as leader of Sarasaland for most of her life, though. There had to at least be some sort of leadership lessons she could take from that. On another level, while she knew being prepared to defend her weaknesses was important, unrelenting optimism was the strongest weapon she had at the moment.

Silence descended in the absence of Waluigi's fidgeting. Silence that nudged Luigi's attention to his equally silent phone. It felt heavy in his trouser pocket. He fought the urge to pull it out and look at it.

"So what were your plans?" Daisy asked.

"I found a lead on a janitorial position at the high school. I figured it would be easy to start there. You?"

"Retail, I guess." It was the most common and accessible thing she could think of, especially in a city this size.

Luigi's hand drifted to his hip and touched the phone-shaped lump in his pocket. He should've been glad that he hadn't heard from Mario in two days. It drove him nuts when his brother checked in on him every time he was out for more than a couple hours. He was so used to his brother's constant hovering, however, that the sudden lack of support from that sector played hard on his nerves.

"Is something wrong?" Daisy asked, noting the distance of distraction in Luigi's expression.

"I'm not looking forward to finding my way around a strange city alone. It's a Technicolor maze out there."

"If you do find yourself getting lonely later in the day, call me. We'll meet somewhere for lunch."

Luigi smiled at her. "I'll keep that in mind." He couldn't ignore that transferring his dependence from Mario to Daisy or Waluigi wouldn't be any better for him. They had such strong personalities, however, that it seemed inevitable.

They finished eating and left the apartment at the same time. When they reached the bus stop, they had to separate. The bright colors, sunshine, and busy streets were much more exciting than anything Daisy had ever seen in the more rural Mushroom Kingdom. It was a world teeming with potential. She had a good feeling about the day.

000

As Daisy stepped out of the pet store and into the blinding, sweltering world, she dropped her painful smile. What a frustrating day. She'd collected a shoulder bag filled with blank applications, but she could not imagine finding the strength to fill them all out and retrace her steps. At least not now. Dodging a group of anthropomorphic cats on skate boards, she trudged to the nearest bus stop and flopped onto the bench next to an old woman with pink hair. Hopefully Luigi was having better luck.

She pulled out her phone to check the time. It was after 5pm and she hadn't heard from him. That seemed like a good sign. Her thumb hovered over the buttons as she debated whether to check in with Luigi, or head home and take a nap. The sun and the walking were really getting to her. Before she could decide, the phone rang and Waluigi's caller ID picture flashed on the screen. It was him holding Luigi in a headlock. His other arm was extended to take the picture and that cheesy grin was plastered across his face. Shortly after the picture was taken, Daisy remembered, Luigi had retaliated by tickling him into submission. The memory brought her smile back. "Yes?" She answered.

"Where are you?" He asked.

"Um… Outside of Petri's Pets."

"And that is…?"

Daisy looked around. "I don't know. It's on bus route thirteen."

"Huh…" His voice got quieter as he lowered the phone to talk to someone else on his end. The street sounds at both ends of the line rendered the words he spoke unintelligible. "All right," he finally said. "Walk north until you see the Mona Pizza billboard. We'll meet you there."

"Do you know how much walking I've done today?" Daisy sighed.

"Luigi's hungry."

"Where are you two? There's a Pizza Dinosaur right across the street. Can't we just-"

"No! Are you kidding me? You will walk as far as you need to, and you will like it, missy."

"Wal-"

"It's worth it. Trust me. And hop to it. I think Luigi's ready to chew my arm off."

He hung up the phone before she could protest further. With a deep sigh, she rose to her feet, adjusted her bag, and started walking. The place was a couple blocks away and her skin couldn't breathe through the damn shirt she wore, but she didn't feel like arguing with the headstrong purple tower.

She found her Weegees sitting on a planter outside the restaurant. At least Waluigi was sitting. Luigi stood in front of him, firmly ensnared in his doppelganger's spindly limbs. As she watched, Waluigi whispered something in Luigi's ear and shoved his narrow hands into Luigi's pockets. The smaller man blushed and squirmed, grabbing at the bony wrists and nervously searching for anyone who might've seen or heard. His eyes settled on Daisy and telegraphed a silent 'help' to her as the taller man's fingers spidered under the edge of his green polo shirt.

Daisy plopped next to Waluigi, nudging him hard with her hip as she did so. "Do I have to get the hose?"

He promptly ensnared her with an arm as well. "It's his own fault for being so molestable. How was your day?"

Daisy saw Luigi relax somewhat when the imp's grip on him loosened, so she said, "You know the feeling that people are just giving you something to politely make you go away?"

"Not the polite part…" Waluigi answered.

She showed him her stack of applications. "I'm probably being paranoid, but some of them…" She shook her head and shrugged.

"Then I guess it's celebratory pizza for Luigi and… better luck next time pizza for you."

"You got the job?" Daisy asked as they headed for the Mona Pizza entrance. When they entered the building, cool air washed over her sweat-damp skin. The aroma of baking bread and garlic had never smelled so amazing. Her mood experienced an immediate, if not minute, improvement.

Luigi nodded sheepishly. He wasn't one to carry on about his successes in front of anyone who had been less successful. Apparently all the hubris had gone to his doppelganger.

Before they could pick a table, a girlish squeal sounded across the restaurant. "Waluigi!" A red and white blur streaked across the room and came to a sudden stop just short of barreling the trio over. The little redheaded teenager grabbed his hand. "I have a table open in my section, come on!"

"You know Wario's not with me, right?" Waluigi asked as he let her drag him to a booth.

"Oh…" her face fell. "I was hoping he might be meeting you later."

"I don't know what the fatass is doing. I haven't talked to him since Friday."

Her attention rebounded to the pair with him. "He did say you moved in with your… What, good half? I never really understood how that whole thing with you four worked." She smiled brightly. "Anyway, I'm Mona. Unofficial mascot of Mona Pizza. Or at least the face on the billboard, if you hadn't noticed. I'm guessing you're Luigi, and you are…"

"Daisy."

"_The_ Daisy?" Mona winked at Waluigi.

Waluigi put one arm around each of his companions. "Waluigi always wins."

Mona's gaze wandered from one to the other. "You mean…"

"That's right," Waluigi grinned, practically puffing out his chest. "I got myself a princess _and_ one of Mushroom Kingdom's heroes."

Luigi couldn't help smiling a little. He wasn't used to being considered a trophy. More generally a consolation prize.

"Huh." Mona put a finger on her chin and stared at the ceiling. "That raises so many questions..." Then she grinned. "Anyway, good for you, player." She punched him lightly in arm—she couldn't quite reach his shoulder."Sit down. You want to see the menu?" The Wa brothers ate there all the time. Wario, at least, had the menu memorized.

"Oh, just water for me." Waluigi gave her his biggest, Cheshire cat grin as he took the booth opposite Daisy and Luigi. The extra elbow room was almost a requirement.

"You will order food and you will tip me for my hard work," Mona pouted. "I need a new guitar. I can't afford to have both of you jerking me around this week."

Waluigi chuckled. "How about a Mona Special for the table, then?"

She nodded as her pen moved across her note pad. "That's better." After getting drink orders from the other two, she skipped off to her next table.

"You didn't mention you had friends out here," Luigi said.

"Eh, she's one of Wario's weird buddies. More an acquaintance than anything else." Waluigi picked up the glass shaker of parmesan cheese and tapped it idly on the table, watching the clumps inside slowly disintegrate.

"Weird?" Luigi looked at the little redhead. "She seems nice enough to me."

"Ha! You'll see." He slid the shaker across the table and caught it in his other hand. "No little high school girl can have a crush on my brother _and_ be sane."

Luigi wasn't one to point, but he couldn't help staring at Mona as he said, "_That's_ 'Wario's fangirl?'" That description had originally been Waluigi's words.

Waluigi pursed his lips and nodded slowly.

"How old is she?"

"Too young to know any better."

They said more, but Daisy couldn't focus on their conversation. Her thumb stroked the corner of her stack of papers, rifling through the edges like a flip book. All she had was a name and an address. How could anyone take her seriously if she had to leave so much information blank? Even on the off chance that it could work way out here, special treatment via her rank and title was the last thing she wanted at this point. "Guys? How did you get your first jobs?"

They both looked at her simultaneously. Then, in unison, "My brother knew someone."

It was adorable how alike they could be.

"Jynx!" Waluigi exclaimed, slamming a hand on the table.

Luigi's mouth was open—a breath away from speaking the same word—but he sighed and closed it instead.

Poking his good half in the arm, Waluigi said, "I'll figure out what you owe me later."

Daisy crossed her arms on the table and rested her chin on them. Her eyes wandered to the window. Wario Ware Inc. squatted on the city skyline. After a long moment of contemplation, she hesitantly ventured, "… I don't suppose Wario…"

"Uh uh. You don't want to work for him, and I wouldn't let you," Waluigi said.

"That bad?" Daisy asked, wrinkling her nose a bit.

"You'd have to be desperate, crazy, or stupid to voluntarily submit yourself to his bullshit for forty hours a week."

"Is that so?" Mona asked, appearing next to them with their drinks.

Completely unfazed, Waluigi looked her square in the eye. "That's what I said."

Mona plopped the tray heavily on the table so she could put her hands on her hips. She bent at the waist to glare more directly into his face, but even with Waluigi sitting down she didn't have to lean over far. "Which one am I, then?"

"Mostly desperate and crazy."

She smiled and shrugged. "I guess I can live with that. Okay, tea..." She placed the drink in front of Daisy. "Soda…" She placed the drink in front of Luigi.

"There might be _little_ of stupid in there, though," Waluigi grinned, holding up both pointer fingers, an inch apart.

She smacked the bill of his hat, flipping it into his face. "You shouldn't be mean to the people who handle your food."

"You said it yourself. He jerks you around every pay week." He calmly readjusted his hat. "Am I wrong?" Waluigi rested his chin on his fist and watched her sideways.

"The whole micro game thing is more like hobby, and hanging around Wario is a perk. Besides, he racks up such a big tab here every week that even at a ten percent tip he's giving me more than he realizes." She leaned closer as she plunked Waluigi's water down in front of him. "Being a waitress can be surprisingly lucrative if you know how to work people. Nothing stupid about that." As she straightened up, she flicked her hair over her shoulder with a jerk of her chin.

Waluigi only shrugged and took a sip from his straw. His 'fights' with Mona were more or less the same as his 'fights' with Wario, as far as he was concerned. It was fun to subvert her perky demeanor, but he didn't really care about winning.

"Working for Wario does take a special kind of tolerance, though." Mona's attention focused on Daisy. "I can ask Joe if he has any open spots here, if you want. We always need more delivery people."

"Wow." Daisy felt a weight leave her stomach. "That'd be great. Thanks."

Mona closed her eyes, tilted her head, and giggled. Then she was off again.

"It would be pretty cool if I could get my first apartment and my first job in the same week," Daisy said.

"Moving on down, princess," Waluigi smirked and held up his glass in a mock toast.

"I'm going to pretend that you aren't just being a smart ass." She tapped her cup against his.

Luigi fumbled his phone out of his pocket and held it in his lap. No new messages. No missed calls. He sighed. It would have been nice to share the news with Mario, but he couldn't bring himself to break the silence first. He needed to be strong. Otherwise his big brother might never take him seriously.

**A/N: Diamond City is weird. That was part of its appeal, but in hindsight I hope I didn't get in over my head…**


	3. Dominant Double

**A/N: Yeah, it's soft-core smut. I knew I'd cave and use that M rating eventually. I just didn't think I'd get to it this quickly.**

Luigi didn't realize anything was wrong until he tried to roll over. In evident opposition to his doppelganger Luigi slept heavily, with minimal movement. As such, it took him a while to notice the pressure on his chest and the tightness of the sheets. He attempted to wiggle an arm free and the pressure increased slightly. His eyelids lifted and a startled jerk ripped through his muscles.

"I know what I want," the man on top of him whispered.

"Geeze, don't sneak up on me like that," Luigi sighed.

Waluigi sat straddling Luigi's waist, both hands planted firmly on the shorter man's chest. "It's not sneaking if I've been here for an hour, is it?"

"You've been sitting there for an hour," Luigi said flatly.

"I don't know. Maybe. That's not the point. I've decided what I want."

"Want for what?"

"For jinx."

"That was two days ago."

"Statute of limitations on a single jinx is one week. We've been over this."

"Fine. What do you want?"

"Walk to the store with me."

Luigi eyed his more devious half dubiously. The manic glint in the dark eyes raised several suspicions. "For what?"

"I don't know. Maybe a coke."

"You're withholding something."

Waluigi laughed. Lacing his fingers together, still on Luigi's chest, he shimmied down until he could rest his chin on them. "We'll make a game of it."

Luigi nodded. He'd expected a caveat of some sort. "No."

Waluigi frowned. "You don't even know what the game is."

"I don't care. You know I don't like doing that kind of stuff in public."

"Too bad. You can't dismiss the sanctity of the jinx that easily."

"You would."

"No I wouldn't. But this isn't about me. This about you being embarrassed to be seen with me in public." He pouted dramatically.

"It's not- There's no reason for us to make our, er, games other people's business. It doesn't matter if it's you, or Daisy, or…"

"Aren't you precious when you're shy," he purred, pinching Luigi's cheek. "I'm _supposed_ to be able to play with my little toys whenever I want now." His fingers traced a jaw line nearly as narrow as his own, save for the warmth and comparative fullness of the cheeks that rested above it.

Luigi shoved at his doppleganger's chest with both hands. Waluigi wasn't actually all that heavy. His towering stature rendered him awkward as far as carrying was concerned, but Luigi could still push him or drag him under certain circumstances. "Within reason."

"You don't know that my idea is unreasonable. You haven't heard it yet."

Luigi shook his head and looked off to one side. If he didn't humor his double, he'd never get back to his nap. His morning shift had been particularly taxing, too. "All right. Tell me what it is."

Grinning, Waluigi said, "You're going to walk to the store with me in nothing but your overalls."

The passionate pink returned to his cheeks. "… No… No I'm not…"

"Too late! You already agreed!" Waluigi sat up and peeled back the covers.

"No I didn't!" He scooted into a sitting position against the headboard.

"You said 'all right.' That means yes." Once more, Waluigi sat straddling his hips. This time he hooked both hands over the headboard on either side of Luigi's shoulders. His angular, grey eyes bore intensely into the rounder baby blues of his sweeter half. "You can put up whatever token resistance you need to convince yourself that you tried to preserve your innocence—hell that's part of the fun—but in the end you know it excites you as much as it excites me when you let my corruption into your conscience."

Luigi's heart pounded. His darker half was at least partially correct. "You're going to pester me all evening if I don't say yes."

The shorter man's voice stayed low. Shy. Submissive. Maybe a bit coy? It was hard to tell. It wouldn't be strange for his other half to know what Waluigi wanted—loved—to hear. It wasn't completely inconceivable that Luigi had more understanding of and control over his lanky devil than he allowed Waluigi to believe. Not that any subtlety mattered in the end. Waluigi believed the truth he preferred and he would stubbornly stick to whatever story wanted. As long as he chose to regard his counterpart as his innocent toy, so the dynamic would remain. "Insufferably," he growled.

Luigi thought about it a bit longer. His overalls covered a lot. "Do I get shoes?" He asked.

"Yes."

"Just making sure." He smiled weakly. "Let's get this over with."

000

Two hours later, they strolled side by side through the fading sunlight. Luigi hugged himself, hands clasping his bare shoulders. He was acutely aware of the denim chaffing his bare skin. The straps' clasps were cold against his nipples. It wasn't supposed to get this chilly in the evening. Not at this time of year. "Everyone is staring," he whispered. "How far is this store?"

The height difference made holding hands slightly awkward. Such a gesture would have been too sweet for the requirements of the situation, anyhow. Waluigi settled for a light grip on the nape of Luigi's neck. "If anyone is staring, it's because you're hunched over like you're freezing to death." Grinning, he tickled the back of Luigi's neck with the knuckle of his pointer finger.

"You're enjoying this too much," Luigi sighed.

"One of us has to." The hand crept around to his shoulder and the fingers slipped under the denim strap. They traced it down across his collar bone and fanned out on his narrow chest. He felt Luigi's heart beat harder, but he didn't try to stop him, so Waluigi left his hand there.

Just as the sneaking suspicion that his counterpart was merely parading him aimlessly through the streets was about to make Luigi demand the tall man take him home, the long fingers fisted in an overall strap and soundlessly directed him into a convenience store. A bell above the door jingled. The man behind the counter glanced at them. Luigi swallowed hard and directed his attention to his companion instead. Waluigi was scanning the drink case as he approached it. Luigi hurried to catch up with him.

As he knelt to pull a drink from a lower shelf of the cooler, Waluigi whispered, "Blush more. It's not obvious enough that you're up to something."

Luigi's cheeks were so warm that not even the cool air pouring into the isle could sooth them. "You're not helping."

"Hm. Maybe this will." Once more, the slender palm found Luigi's chest, this time pinning him to the frigid glass. Alone in the isle and with a shelf concealing them from the bored employee at the front, Waluigi pressed his lips against Luigi's. He sucked the lower lip of his startled counterpart in between his teeth and nipped it, drawing his teeth off slowly as he pulled back. Then he grinned as the flustered heat crept down his toy's neck. "Yeah. That's much better." He pressed the bottle of soda into Luigi's hands. "I'm going to grab some chips and meet you at the front."

Luigi touched his tingling lips as he watched his doppelganger rise elegantly to his full height and stroll to another isle. His overalls felt a bit tighter. Oh god. He knew he was a bit of a masochist. As his relationship with his double progressed, he'd come to relative terms with it. He only wished his sadistic twin wouldn't use it as an excuse to tease him in public. He opened the cold case and shoved his face inside, pretending to peruse the drinks while he willed his surging blood to cool.

"What's taking so long?" Waluigi said behind him.

Luigi jumped and turned around. "Nothing. Just looking for a…" He trailed off. His doppelganger's gaze drifted south and the slow, wild grin spread across his angular face. Luigi clasped his hands together in front of his nether regions and said, "Don't. Whatever you're thinking just… don't."

A slender eyebrow arched delicately, but the grin didn't waver. Waluigi wordlessly took the drink from an increasingly nervous Luigi, paid while Luigi hung back among the shelves, and then took him outside. "It's getting dark. We'll take the bus."

000

Much to Luigi's relief when they boarded the bus, Waluigi led him to a pair of inconspicuous seats in the rear corner. He didn't quite dare to believe his doppelganger was done messing with him yet, but this was better than a crowded street. Luigi took the seat near the window and pulled the shopping bag into his lap. An arm snaked around his shoulder as Waluigi joined him on his right. When the tall man reached for his lap, Luigi nearly flinched away. He was only getting his drink out of the bag. Luigi let his attention wander to the flickering neon rainbow of lights on the other side of the tinted window. He didn't quite notice how Waluigi's arm slipped from his shoulders to his waist, pulling its owner closer as the doors closed. However, he couldn't have missed the clever fingers invading the opening at the side of his overalls if he had tried to ignore them.

In his haste to grab the slender wrist, Luigi knocked the convenience store bag on the floor. His fuddled effort to retrieve it was foiled when Waluigi crossed his long legs, hooking his right calf across Luigi's knees. "Might want to keep that low profile," he whispered before taking a casual swig from the bottle in his other hand. "If anyone looks, it's gonna be because of your squirming." The fingers beneath the fabric tickled the hair between Luigi's belly button and groin.

"Are you nuts?" Luigi asked. His nails dug into his palms as the fondling moved lower—bolder and more intimate.

"I don't need to answer that," Waluigi snorted. He continued gazing straight ahead, out the front window.

Luigi's breath hitched, but he tried to follow Waluigi's nonchalant example. The sneaky devil was right about keeping a low profile. If he persisted in physical resistance, all he would do was alert the passengers closer to the front of the bus. Waluigi was too shameless to let that stop him. "I- I'm pretty sure th- this is illegal…" Luigi protested softly.

It was that low, pathetically flustered voice Waluigi loved so much. He nodded, moving his hand a bit faster, and took another sip of his coke. "Could be."

When he was forced to smother a groan by biting his knuckles, Luigi decided to surrender. He wasn't completely certain how much control he had over the sounds escaping his vocal cords at this point, so it was probably best to suppress all sounds. Waluigi's pace slowed and sped up as the bus approached and left stops, but he never ceased entirely. The smaller man stared out the window without seeing anything, trembling madly with repressed shivers. They were almost home when he moaned into his hands one final time, trying to disguise it as a yawn. He wasn't sure if he fooled anybody, but he couldn't bring himself to look into the faces of any of the other passengers and check.

Waluigi wiped the warm fluid on the inside of his toy's trembling thigh. Then his hand withdrew and took up a relaxed residence on Luigi's knee. "We should do this again."

Luigi scowled at him. "I want a safeword."

Waluigi chuckled and gave him an affectionate squeeze. "Nah. You'd be screaming it left and right. That's no fun. Stretching your comfort zone is good for you."

"Well I'm drawing a line at anything legally questionable."

"And I will acknowledge that line when it seems relevant." The bus stopped. Waluigi retrieved the abandoned bag from the floor and rose to his feet.

"Good. That's all I…" The short man halted briefly as the word choice sank in. "Wait!" He hurried to catch up with his towering lover. "What does 'seems relevant' mean?"

Waluigi didn't answer, pausing on the front steps and fumbling the building key out of his pocket. In the corner of his eye he saw his angelic little double waving wildly at him, demanding his attention. He had to resist the urge to smile. Luigi was so goddammed cute when he was flustered. He didn't really need an answer to that question anyway. Luigi was smart. If he didn't already know the answer, he wouldn't have needed to ask for clarification.


	4. Restless Ramble

The clock ticked.

They couldn't hear it, but he always did. It was in the back of his mind. Each short, sharp snap hammered the needle a little deeper. Luigi had retired over an hour ago. The little angel had six hours and forty-seven minutes left before he had to wake up. Waluigi figured he had about an hour and five minutes longer than that, if he skipped his shower. An hour and thirty-five minutes if he skipped breakfast.

The clock ticked.

His head rested on Daisy's chest. She stroked his back and his hair with idle hands. She was trying so hard. They both tried. Luigi made him tea and warm milk. Daisy had even tried singing to him once. They wanted him to sleep. He never bothered to tell them it wasn't helping. Nothing could put a tourniquet on the cascade of numbers rattling around his subconscious. His thumb picked at his fingernails. His aching eyes watched glowing shapes flit across the 36 inch glass screen without applying logic to their forms. The drone of sound didn't quite reach his ears.

The clock ticked.

Daisy yawned. He felt the sharp rise and slow fall of her chest under his head. Propping himself up on his elbows, he studied her drooping lashes and wetly glimmering eyes. Misery loved company. Part of him wanted at least one of the well-meaning know-it-alls in his life to experience and understand the physical and mental pain of sleep deprivation. The part of his mind that ticked. The part of his mind that counted. The part of his mind that screamed. The very part of his mind that ripped him—thrashing and whimpering—from any small slice of slumber that he managed to achieve. Maybe in the days before he'd tried sleeping pills, he would have… but he kissed her instead. Her arms slipped around him. Her tongue deepened the kiss.

The clock ticked.

The nude former princess shifted onto her knees and bent over the arm of the couch. His bare fingers dug into her shoulder as he thrust into her from behind, desperately vicious. Each rhythmic slap of flesh on flesh punctuated the slow, sharp snaps echoing through his skull. Maybe if he made her moan louder, it would drown out the passage of time. Maybe if he exhausted his body, his mind would follow.

The. Clock. Ticked.

000

Useless. Three hours, twenty-five minutes, thirty-two seconds until he'd have to get up. He'd made his lists; appointments, shopping, anything Daisy or Luigi had said that seemed particularly important, work schedule—times reviewed over and over for maximum accuracy. Hell, even the days of the week needed to be carefully tracked as each blurred into the next.

Daisy had gone to bed after he'd pretended to fall asleep on the couch. No matter how tempted he'd been to drag her through this insomniatic insanity with him, he still possessed enough presence of mind to know better. Luigi wouldn't be up for at least another two hours. Infomercials invaded more and more channels as the night wore on. Even if the light from the television didn't burn his eyes, there would be no companionship from that direction.

He sat mindlessly at the table for several minutes, stroking the wooden surface with his fingers. Sleep deprivation morphed the textures of objects he encountered ever day into new and hypnotic things. His fingers were numb and tingly in a strange way that both dulled and sharpened his sense of touch. Finally, he shuddered out of his mesmerized state, rose, dressed, and left the apartment building all together.

He couldn't say that the streets of Diamond City were safe at four o'clock in the morning. He didn't particularly care. What did he have to fear from insidious strangers lurking in shadows when he was essentially one himself? On some level he hoped trouble would find him. A fight into which to hurl his mounting frustration. Something good and bloody and painful. Something to knock him the fuck out. Or get his adrenaline pumping. Either would have been useful at this point.

People rarely wanted to pick fights with the sharp, spidery tower of a man, however. One look at the twitching leer and the blood-shot, dark-rimmed eyes was enough to ward off the rare passerby. Even the gang of raccoons and opossums he occasionally ran across merely sneered at him as he trudged by. So he wandered the deadened streets in silence, hands thrust in his pockets and shoulders hunched to his ears.

As he wove through alleys, he kicked cans and bottles out of his way. They clattered and dented. Glimmered and shattered. The soft sounds barely pierced the thick veil over his consciousness no matter how hard he kicked them. In one final rush of frantic energy, he drove his fist into the side of a dumpster. Knuckles cracked. The ringing din followed the pain up his arm in hot, shivering waves. His fist drew back and slammed forward two more times in rapid succession, grinding his bruised knuckles into the rusted surface until his mind shrieked.

He slumped against a wall. The brick snagged his clothing as he slid into a seated position. His limbs and joints ached, but he was undeniably awake and alert now. He removed his glove to assess the damage, flexing his stiff, swelling digits. In the following clarity he realized that he should've used his left hand, but dwelling on that wouldn't change anything now. Glancing around, he contemplated what to do next. In an hour, the street market he'd discovered two blocks east would start opening. His stomach grumbled nauseously at the thought of food. As awareness of the pungent trash he'd settled next to reached his nose, he decided he'd better head home. A cold shower sounded like a great idea at the moment. He needed something to head off the puffiness that was already consuming his hand, anyway.

000

His glove felt undeniably tighter by the time he reached the apartment door. He used his left hand to unlock it, but it still took a few jabs to get the key in the hole. His vision was already starting to swim a little. Coffee would clear that up. Hopefully one of his pets had already made some. His coordination wasn't quite as reliable as he would've liked. He knew Luigi would be awake. He hadn't, however, expected to find Daisy up with him. Not after their late night on the couch. Daisy said something to him, but it didn't sink in at first. "What?" He asked, cocking an ear toward her.

"I thought you'd left early."

"No… Felt like taking a walk…" He shoved his right hand into his pocket, clenching it into a fist. The throbbing ache was just the jolt is brain needed. Managing to focus on the pair at the table, he took note of Luigi's sullen slump. His arm curled around a mug. He was picking something apart. It looked like a soggy teabag. Waluigi couldn't think well enough to ponder it right now. Instead, he followed his nose to the coffee machine. His left hand jittered as he tried to pour, but he managed not to spill.

"Maybe he's trying to respect your space," Daisy said.

"No," Luigi sighed. "He knows what he's doing. He's been doing it for years."

"But… Mario? Really?" Daisy asked.

"What, because the great Mario can do no wrong?" Luigi's voice came out flat and irritated. "He's a person. With flaws. Like anyone else."

Waluigi watched them sideways from his place at the kitchen counter. Such venom from his timid half. It must've been serious.

Luigi laid his face on the table and wrapped his arms around his head. "I can't believe our relationship means so little that he'd use it to manipulate me like this. I can't even call him to talk about it, because then I'm still the weak little brother that can't exist without his support."

Waluigi blinked slowly, staring at the dark reflection in his cup. He brought it with him as he returned to his room and shut the door. He stood a moment longer, silently consulting the shapes hidden in the popcorn ceiling. Finally, he sat on his bare mattress and set the cup on the floor nearby. He scrolled through the contacts on his cell phone. For reasons he couldn't remember, he'd obtained the Mario brothers' home phone number some months back. He'd meant to delete it once he'd moved in with Luigi, but it was one of the many small things that had vanished into the sleepless haze shrouding his memory.

The phone rang several times before a groggy voice answered, "Hello?"

Waluigi reclined on the mattress, curling a forearm under the back of his head. "You're an ass."

"What?"

"A jackass. An asshole." There was silence on the other end, but he heard a breathy groan. He'd interrupted little red's sleep for this. Awesome.

"Waluigi?" Mario asked.

"Wah?"

"What are you- Did you want something?"

Waluigi hung up the phone and left it on the floor. Retrieving the coffee, he headed into the living room. "Dibs on the shower," he muttered.

Before the others could say anything, Luigi's cell phone rang. He blinked at the ID screen. "It's him."

As the phone continued ringing, Daisy asked uncertainly, "Are you going to…?"

Luigi's thumb stroked the buttons. "No." He smiled a little. "I have to get dressed for work. He can wait."

Grinning to himself, Waluigi glided into the bathroom. Of course snubbing his brother was just the thing to cheer up Waluigi's upset, not-quite-so-innocent double. They were more alike than Luigi liked to acknowledge, after all.


	5. Destined Disaster

**A/N: Fourteen pages in Microsoft Word? No wonder this took me so much longer to write.**

They were downtown when Daisy received the text message. As the trio exited the movie theater into the neon glitz of Diamond City after dark, her phone vibrated. She half-expected to see Mona's name, considering both of her Weegees were with her. It wasn't Mona.

_Tell Luigi I extended my stay. I'm not leaving until he sees me._

"Weegee, has Mario been trying to reach you?" Daisy asked.

"He's left a few messages. I haven't answered them."

Daisy showed him her phone. "What should I say? Or should I say nothing?"

Luigi hooked an elbow around Waluigi's arm. "Tell him I'll talk to him when he's ready to listen to me." He gave the taller man a sideways look. He knew that Waluigi had called Mario. Originally, he hadn't intended to mention it. Waluigi had meant well, in his own dysfunctional way. If Mario kept turning molehills into mountains, though…

Daisy's thumbs flew over the keys. "What does he want?"

"He… has some concerns about our living conditions." He took Daisy's hand and they headed for the bus stop. Waluigi silently moved with them. He had barely spoken all evening. "Listen, I'm not mad," the shorter man said to his doppelganger, "but… What exactly did you say to him?"

It took Waluigi a second to respond. When he did, he squinted and cocked his head, staring at nothing in particular. "Say to…"

"Mario wants to talk to us in person because he didn't like the way you sounded on the phone."

He hunched his right shoulder and scratched his cheek against it. "I couldn't've said more than ten words… I dunno…" His throat croaked a little and he yawned.

Daisy moved closer, stopped walking, and took the pointy face in both hands. Her eyes probed his vacant expression. "He might not be completely wrong."

"I'm fine," Waluigi shrugged.

Her phone jingled again. She read the text. "He wants to meet for lunch tomorrow."

Luigi groaned. When he'd wished Mario would stop with the cold shoulder business, this wasn't what he'd meant. "I guess the only way to end this is to prove him wrong."

"About what?" Daisy asked.

"It's…" Luigi pursed his lips and cast a distressed look at Waluigi. The oblivious man flopped onto the bench, bringing him more or less to Luigi's eye level. The man in green stood between the lanky legs, braced his hands on the skinny thighs, and made earnest eye contact. Once he was sure he'd garnered Waluigi's full attention, he said, "I need you to be on your best behavior for an hour, maybe two. Can you do that?"

"For what? Mario?" Waluigi raised an eyebrow and sneered a little. "I got nothin to prove to that…" He trailed off. Luigi had fixed him with biggest, bluest puppy eyes he'd ever seen. "I'm not… It's my day off! I… lay in bed and stare at the- the ceiling on my…"

"We'll make it a late dinner."

"Go without me! I don't want-"

"You started this. You need to help me clean it up. Maybe you don't have anything to prove, but I do."

Waluigi favored his sweeter half with an incredulous look. "Why?"

"That doesn't matter. This is about me asking you to do something for me. All you have to do is be nice for two hours. I know you can do it."

He heaved an exasperated sigh and let his head loll against the grate that surround three sides of the bus stop. After several seconds he muttered, "I will do the best that I can. That's all I've got at this point."

"You're still not sleeping." Daisy brushed Waluigi's disheveled hair off his forehead. "How long as it been?"

"I'm gonna sleep tomorrow." A noncommittal answer.

Luigi's irritation with his brother faded under the concern for his boyfriend. Waluigi still pushed his buttons on occasion, but he couldn't let this fight with Mario undermine the reason his relationship with his doppelganger had evolved beyond the kinky love/hate games. The lunatic needed someone to look out for him, because he was too stubborn to look out for himself. "Maybe we should push it back a week."

Waluigi flinched and then sat up with a bit more focus in his cloudy eyes. "I'll sleep tomorrow," he reiterated. "It'll be fine."

000

At home, Waluigi settled onto his mattress almost as soon as he'd completed his lists. He stared at the ceiling for hours, watching the popcorn dots coalesce, swim, and eventually disperse in an entropic ballet. He wanted to complete the business with Mario as soon as possible. Waiting longer would be worse. A week of that appointment jabbing at his brain wouldn't help him sleep any better than it would now. He'd only be more exhausted. His fuse would only get shorter. He needed all the patience he could get. In his spaced out daydreams, he saw Mario sitting on a giant horse in a featureless void. Those wide blue eyes glaring down a nose so much like Luigi's. Probing. Judging. Patronizing. Waluigi wanted to scream, but his vocal chords wouldn't work. He wanted to yank him down and punch him in the face, but he couldn't reach. Luigi hugged his legs, holding him at bay. The sweet oval face was upturned, beseeching him with those desperate blue eyes.

Fuck.

Waluigi shut his eyes and rolled onto his stomach. Maybe he could smother himself into unconsciousness in the plush bulge of the bare mattress. His mind continued wandering. On a more rational level he knew Mario and his hero complex would never accept this. Waluigi couldn't give any less of a shit, but watching Luigi bang his head against the wall to satisfy the unsatisfiable was almost as painful as… His burning lungs.

He couldn't fight it. His body simply wouldn't allow him to smother himself into oblivion. Stupid thing.

He needed… some sort of backup plan. Something to make him look good, or at least help him stand out less. Someone to keep him in check…

Without lifting his head, he groped blindly around the floor next to his bed until he found his phone. He felt out the buttons for Wario's number, and then tucked his other forearm under his forehead as he brought the ringing phone to his ear. When he didn't get an answer the first time, he redialed.

"The fuck is wrong with you?" Wario's sleep blurred voice growled on the other end. "Do you know what time it is?"

"Seventeen thousand nine-hundred ticks from midnight. Too tired to do the math."

Silence stretched on for several more ticks before Wario said, "Are you going to tell me why you're calling at five in the morning or are you just going to sit there?"

"Mario wants to have dinner tomorrow."

"… With us?"

"No. With me, Luigi, and Daisy."

The heavyset Wa brother let out an exasperated groan. "Walu…" Wario spoke his next words slowly, with a voice full of strained patience. "What does this have to do with _me_?"

"I want you to come… He might… I don't know… Just keep attention off how fucked up I am."

"How long have you been awake?"

"A week… Give or take some micro naps? I don't know. I don't care. That's not the point. Will you help me or not?"

"What makes you think I want to have dinner with Mario anymore than you do?"

"I will buy you a meal of your choice at any restaurant I can afford."

"Two meals. On different days."

"Fine."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"…Three?"

"Fatass…"

"All right, all right. Two. What time are we talking about? I have to work until five."

000

When the trio arrived at Mona Pizza around seven, Mario was waiting for them out front. Luigi found himself caught between heart fluttering excitement and gut wrenching nervousness. When he noticed the pretty blond in the pink sundress standing next to his brother, he decided on nervousness. The situation was starting to take on the air of an intervention. When he checked his companions for their reaction to the extra guest, he was surprised to discover faint, fiendish amusement in Waluigi's eyes. That did not help his nerves.

"Luigi!" Mario enveloped his younger brother in a bear hug. "I'm so happy to see you. The house is so empty without you."

The green brother had hoped this scene would happen under less awkward circumstances. All of them together for dinner, having fun… but no. It was a digging mission. A witch hunt on Waluigi. He smiled anyway. He had to keep things smooth and light. "I missed you, too."

Peach crossed one dainty ankle over the other and curtsied slightly. Daisy grinned and clapped her on the back. "Mario didn't say you were coming."

"It was a last minute decision. I wasn't certain if I could escape my duties for an entire weekend," she said with a soft smile. "Perhaps we should go inside. There appears to be a waiting list."

"Wario's holding a table," Waluigi said.

Mario's head snapped around. "You invited Wario?"

Waluigi made pointed eye contact. "You invited Peach."

Mario's eyebrows went up in surprise. Then he hunched his shoulders and cast a sheepish look at the blond princess.

Waluigi winked at his shorter counterpart. He wasn't stupid. He'd spotted a potential ambush and summoned backup. Luigi should have expected as much, but he couldn't decide if the new balance relieved him or raised the potential hostility of the situation another degree. Was Wario there for moral support, or was he a weapon in an arms race between two men fighting for the right to a third?

Wario was already chomping down the free bread when they joined him at the table. Mario grabbed the seat next to Luigi, forcing the purple doppelganger to sit on the other side of Daisy. Peach got stuck between Mario and his doppelganger. She clasped her hands in her lap, trying to be polite, but her stiff posture betrayed her unease.

"Look at that. The Peach graces us with her presence," Wario grinned around a mouthful of food.

"I've been curious about Diamond City for a while," she said softly, without looking up from arranging her silverware.

"Hard to find vacation time between getting kidnapped, huh? Haha!" Wario elbowed her in the side.

Peach smiled and forced a polite, "Heheh." Mario, however, scowled.

"Oh, lighten up, red. We're here to have fun." He raised an arm. Next to him, Waluigi twitched away from his body odor. Wario didn't notice. "Hey, Mona!"

The redhead skipped over to the table. "Yes, Mr. Wario?"

"How about some more breadsticks?"

She smirked playfully. "With extra dipping sauce?"

"You always know exactly how I like it."

She giggled and put a hand on Wario's shoulder. "And what about the rest of you? Something to drink?"

Wario disgusted Mario for more than the obvious reasons. He didn't really understand how the whole good half, bad half thing worked, either, but the idea that Wario was supposed to be any kind of reflection of himself—twisted or not—unnerved him deeply. He wasn't here to analyze his gluttonous twin, though, and he couldn't let the distraction sidetrack him. When the drink orders were in and the customary ice water was distributed, his focus returned to Waluigi. A menu stood open in front of him, so Mario couldn't see much of his face. Instead of reading he seemed to be concentrating on the table in front of him. "So, Waluigi, were you originally from Diamond City?"

He yawned into his palm, tilting his head back slightly, and then drank from his glass. "Lived both places on and off. Had my own place in Mushroom Kingdom briefly, but rooming with Wario was more convenient at the time."

"Do you have a job?"

Luigi fiddled nervously, but Waluigi didn't seem offended by the interrogative tone of the conversation. "Of course I do. Why wouldn't I?"

"What is it?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

Mario crossed his arms on the table. "Try me."

"All right. I own a plant nursery and rent space in a flower shop. Sort of a consignment thing. Mostly do the bookkeeping and paper work lately, because I didn't have to be in town for it." He tapped the side of his head. "I've got a thing for numbers."

Mario blinked skeptically. "You spend weeks at a time in Mushroom Kingdom. Who takes care of the nursery while you're gone?"

"I have a special strain of piranha plant that I've trained to do a few basic tasks. Automated irrigation, timed heater in the winter… It's not difficult. Do you want to see it?" He smiled and cocked his head, steepling his fingers under his chin.

Mario searched the cheerful expression for the sign of a trick, or even simple sarcasm, but the sudden perkiness seemed genuine despite the dark circles under the large, angular eyes. "I have another day to spare. Maybe I'll check it out."

Waluigi repeated the yawn, head tilt, drink sequence of motions, and then buried his attention in the menu. Wario gave him a funny look, grabbed the top of the menu, and pulled it down flat on the table. The table behind it was empty. Waluigi raised a slender eyebrow at him. "Did you want something?"

Wario eyed him for a second longer and then muttered, "Nevermind."

"You know," Waluigi said to Mario. "This place has the best pizza in the city. It got an award once. Mona would tell you all about it if you let her. My favorite thing, though, is the eggplant parmesan. It is the only thing I will eat no matter what mood I'm in."

"I'll keep that in mind," Mario responded with forced civility.

Initially, Luigi couldn't decide what to make of Waluigi's sudden spike in vitality, either. He decided to be glad Waluigi was putting forth the effort and not question his methods. "I found a job," he volunteered to divert Mario's attention. "At the high school. I'm kind of a… maintenance man slash janitor."

"How did you settle on that?" Mario asked.

"It was available, and I like the exercise involved in the… the physical labor… aspect."

"You're smart enough to aim higher."

"I know. If I wanted to, I would have."

"Does it pay enough?"

"We have three incomes. If it turns out to be an issue, I'll find something else." Luigi repressed his disappointment. He'd hoped for more of a 'that's great, tell me about it' sort of reaction.

As if reading his mind, Mario smiled and patted Luigi on the shoulder. "If you're happy with it, that's all that matters."

Across the table, Waluigi ducked behind the bill of his cap and snorked laughter. When Wario nudged his shoulder, Waluigi shook his head and waved him off. He did not, however, bother explaining the outburst.

Drinks arrived. Luigi elaborated on his job and talked about the people who worked with him. Food arrived. Daisy talked about some odd people she met while delivering pizzas. Peach yammered on about Mushroom Kingdom politics, sparking a surprisingly heated argument with Wario. Mario leaped to her defense. Daisy changed the subject by inquiring about the October masquerade ball.

In between, Waluigi chattered energetically and laughed freely. It didn't help, though, much to Luigi's chagrin. The friendlier Waluigi behaved, the harder Mario scrutinized. Of course egging on Wario and Peach's argument on for the sake of some snide snickering at their expense didn't exactly score him bonus points.

Waluigi tried to keep his cool, but the lack of positive response to his efforts drove him nuts. He wasn't one to pander when the other party had yet to earn any such flattery. Even his willingness to help Luigi by crawling for approval he didn't personally want or need evidently had limits. He tried to hold it in, for Luigi's sake. He really did, but his nerves were running on caffeine and his good sense was running on fumes. After the fourth or fifth time Wario found an excuse to summon Mona to the table, temptation won out. Waluigi muttered, "Keep trying, man. Maybe she'll graduate in the _next_ fifteen minutes."

Wario's beady eyes turned to his brother. "Do you really want to play this right now?"

"Play what? I'm just making an observation."

"Maybe whatever you took earlier is making you a little too _observant._"

Waluigi's eye twitched a little. "Maybe you shouldn't torture yourself over jailbait."

"Maybe the narcissist in a sado-masochistic three-way with his double shouldn't be so goddamn judgmental."

Luigi choked on his coke. Daisy rubbed his back in an attempt to help him stop. Mario frowned at him like a disapproving parent.

Waluigi's eyes widened when he realized what had just happened, and then narrowed again. Restraint slipped. "Better a narcissist than an _old pervert_."

Wario punched the bony shoulder with all the strength and momentum he could gather in the limited space. Ignoring Peach's startled gasp, he grabbed a dark overall strap and yanked Waluigi out of his chair. "I don't care if you haven't slept in _months_. I don't care what you're _on_ right now. If you don't rein it in this second, I will walk out of here. You're fucked up beyond help, anyway." When he let go, the long legs buckled, dropping the tall man on the floor.

"Luigi…" Mario said.

The timid man glanced frantically around the table. Even some of the patrons at neighboring tables were watching now. "It's- It's not what it sounds like…" He whispered.

"It sounds like you lied when you said he doesn't harass you anymore."

"But he doesn't… He didn't… I… I'm…"

"That's _it_." Waluigi pulled himself into his chair, nursing his right shoulder. "I put in my two hours and I'm at my limit so here it is. This whole thing is _stupid_. We both know he came in with his mind made up and nothing _I_ say or do is going to change it. Quit being his bitch and stand up for yourself. You're an adult for fucksake."

"Don't call my brother a bitch," Mario snarled.

"Don't pretend you're doing this shit because you're worried about him," Waluigi snarled back. "You just can't stand the idea of Luigi doing something without you, because you need him to need you. It's fucked up _and_ it's kind of creepy."

"That has nothing to do with it. You're an aggressive, deceptive hooligan-"

Waluigi burst out laughing. "'Hooligan?' What are you, ninety?"

"I don't know what wool you're pulling over his eyes, but I don't want him hanging around you."

"Oh, I'm the manipulative one. Don't think I didn't know what you were doing, bringing Peach to distract Daisy while you work on Luigi."

"You're paranoid."

"You're pathetically transparent."

"Stop it!" Luigi blurted. When they both looked at him, the nervous silence consumed him once more. Instead of speaking, he bumbled to his feet—almost tripping on the chair—and hustled toward the door. Mario stood to follow him, but Luigi shook his head and held up his hand in a 'just stop' gesture before retreating onto the sidewalk.

Waluigi remained motionless, following the shorter man with his eyes. Then his gaze wearily trekked to Daisy's face. He shook his head slightly, rose to his feet, and took a long, surprisingly graceful step around the chair. About halfway across the restaurant, the slender giant turned and looked Mario dead in the eyes. Extending his thumbs and middle fingers, he pointed at his crotch, snapping his hips forward slightly for emphasis. Then he, too, disappeared out the front door.

Peach cringed as Wario heaved a hot, garlicky sigh. "Those two weird me out sometimes."

"I should go-" Daisy started to stand.

"Eh, he'll wander home when he's ready," Wario shrugged, shoving another slice of pizza into his face. "Might be later tonight, might be tomorrow morning, but he always comes back."

"I can't leave Luigi alone in a strange city at night," Mario finally said. "He couldn't have gone far yet." He pulled some money from his wallet and handed it to Peach. "Here, and if it takes longer to find him than I think it will, you can take a cab back to the hotel."

"What if Walgee's with him?" Daisy asked.

"I'm not looking for a fight."

"I should go with you anyway…"

Mario whispered, "I was hoping you'd stay so I wouldn't have to leave Peach alone with Wario."

"All right. I'll stay long enough to sort out the check, but then I'm going to be right behind you."

"I wouldn't expect less," Mario smiled.

After he left, Daisy frowned at the gluttonous doppelganger. "If we left the money with you, would you pay or would you run off with it?"

"Would I tell you if I was going to run off with it?" Wario grinned.

"You better not run off with it," Mona suddenly cut in. "I know where you live." Her fists were on her hips and a fierce scowl crinkled her face, but the general effect was more cute than intimidating. "What happened? Are the Weegees okay?"

"Waluigi and Mario are having a territorial spat," Daisy sighed. "We're going to need to settle up and get out of here, I'm afraid."

"That's too bad. Three checks, was it?"

"Two," Wario said. "Waluigi promised me he'd pay."

"Did he say that, or did he say something like that?" Daisy asked, her memory already counting everything Wario had eaten.

"You calling me a liar?"

There wasn't time to argue. She'd humor Wario now and sort it all out once she found Waluigi.

000

Luigi used the first alley he found to cut over a couple streets. He knew Mario would follow whether Luigi wanted him to or not. Maybe he could delay being found. As he wandered the aimless concrete floor of the urban jungle, he contemplated what to say when Mario found him.

_I'm an adult, Mario. I don't need you anymore._ Too callous, and somewhat untrue.

_I'm old enough to make my own decisions. If I want to be in a sado-masochistic_… No, no, he was nowhere near bold enough for that.

_My sex… bedroom… private life is my own business… _Perhaps it was best not to acknowledge what Wario had blurted at all. He couldn't picture any scenario where discussing such business with his brother wouldn't be awkward.

_It's not bullying! Leave us alone! It's none of your business anyway!_ That hadn't worked when he tried it during their initial phone conversation, and he doubted it would work any better now.

_You're my brother and I love you, but you have to trust me to make my own decisions. Please._ Maybe, if he put enough heartfelt emphasis on the plea. Not the imploring supplication that Waluigi responded so well to, though. He'd need to assert independence to ingratiate himself with his brother.

During these contemplations, he'd half expected Mario to appear behind him at any moment. Part of his mind braced for it, anticipating the shock and set to resist the startled muscle twitches that often accompanied such things. It never came, however. By the time he glanced up to register his surroundings, he'd lost all track of his position within the city. Simply put, he was lost. And it was dark. And there weren't nearly as many people about as he would have liked.

His first instinct was to call Daisy, or perhaps Waluigi. He seemed to have a more intimate knowledge of the city. If they were still with Mario, though… Oh, he'd never live it down if Mario had to rescue him the very night he'd intended to prove his self-reliance. Luigi recalled moving mostly in a straight line. If he relaxed and retraced his steps, he'd find his own way back. That was assuming they were still at the restaurant in the first place. Checking the clock on his phone—noting the six or seven missed calls as he did so—he decided they definitely wouldn't be there by the time he returned. Maybe he'd find a bus stop and go straight home. He wouldn't find the correct route on this street, however. He'd have to cut back over.

He regretted approaching the alley almost as soon as he set foot in it. This one wasn't a straight shot between the buildings like the one near Mona Pizza. The buildings were an odd shape. Dumpsters added their bulk to the strange angles created by the walls. He told himself it couldn't be much more than a dozen feet from one end to the other. If he moved fast, it would be over quickly.

One foot crossed from the streetlight's halo into the buildings' shadow. When nothing immediately attacked him, he took a breath and broke into a jog. As he rounded the first dumpster, his foot hit something that _shlorped_ under his weight and slipped out from under him. He landed on a bag full of cans that clattered and crunched raucously in the stillness of the alley. As he sat up, he heard a pile of rags and papers shift next to him. A hooded head lifted from the ground and turned toward him. Beady eyes glimmered above a rat-like muzzle. Luigi scrambled back from the humanoid animal that regarded him with wary distaste.

"What are you doing in my alley?"

Luigi couldn't speak. He found a wall and pulled himself to his feet. He could see the light from the sidewalk, a few yards past the rat.

"Get out! This is my place!"

Luigi retreated in reverse, into a narrow aisle behind two buildings. He'd find another exit. He was much more cautious this time, edging around each dark lump as though they too contained hostile denizens of the night. This was bad. Very bad. By the time he found a piece of sidewalk with streetlights, his spatial orientation was all out of whack. On top of that the sensation of being watched and followed nagged him, interfering with his concentration. Even calling someone at this point wouldn't be very helpful. If Luigi had no idea where he was, how could Daisy or Waluigi find him? The lights eased his fear somewhat, though. He'd follow this road to an intersection, establish his bearings, and then call for help.

"You lost?"

The voice behind him made him jump out of his skin. He turned to find an anthropomorphic raccoon in a black, sleeveless t-shirt. There was a strip of white cloth tied around the bulging bicep. "I…" Luigi began.

"Maybe we can help." This voice belonged to a fat opossum in a baggy sweatshirt, who had appeared on Luigi's left. He wasn't much taller than Luigi, but he outweighed the brunette by at least a hundred pounds.

"For a fee," said a hunched, scrawny ferret with beady eyes and shining fangs. "Gotta pay to pass through our neighborhood, you know."

When Luigi attempted to plot an escape route, he discovered two more of the humanoid opossums blocking his exit. They hadn't spoken, but one held a chain and the other held a bat. They were also much beefier than their friend. Luigi felt sick. He hoped they weren't really looking for trouble and that they'd leave if he cooperated. "What do you want?" He asked carefully. It was unlikely that he'd be able to keep his cell phone, but he could still find his way home if they didn't take his bus pass.

"You can start by emptying your pockets," the raccoon commanded. "Put your shit on the ground and step away from it."

He obeyed, hoping the circle would disperse. It didn't. The armed muggers remained close behind him as the ferret and the portly opossum rifled through his belongings.

"What's he got?" The raccoon asked, his gaze never leaving their victim's face.

"Ten bucks, a bus pass, a shitty phone, and a license," the ferret reported.

"That's it?" The raccoon asked. "You jerking us around?"

"I- I really don't have much," Luigi stammered.

The raccoon eyed his overalls skeptically. "Search his pockets."

"That's all I've got," Luigi protested as the pair behind him grabbed his arms. "You can take all of it. I won't make trouble. I swear."

The opossum ignored him, patting him down with meaty paws. One plunged into his pocket and withdrew a set of keys. "All you got, huh? What's this, then?"

"My keys?" Luigi asked weakly.

"I told you to empty your pockets. You said that was all you had."

"Th-they're just apartment keys. I didn't think…"

"You disrespect us on our own turf, and you can't even pay the fee for trespassing? What are we gonna do about this?"

"I got lost! I didn't know!" Luigi's heart hammered wildly as the raccoon sauntered closer. The two giants holding his arms tightened their grips.

"You know now, and I'm gonna make sure you don't forget."

Something shiny whipped out of the dark and shattered across the raccoon's cranium. He howled in pain and turned just in time to catch another bottle square in the forehead. Blood gushed into his eyes. His crew quickly forgot their cowering victim as a lanky shadow charged across the street. It threw a third bottle, but the ferret dodged.

Luigi's knees nearly buckled in relief as Waluigi wordlessly tore into the circle and punched the thug on his left in the face. It all happened so fast that they both released the shorter man, allowing Waluigi to seize him by the back of the overalls and usher him briskly away.

"Hey!" The raccoon hollered after him.

Waluigi didn't turn around. When Luigi tried to glance over his shoulder, Waluigi grabbed the top of his head and turned his face forward. He never broke stride. Footsteps followed them.

"I'm talking to you, asshole!" The raccoon grabbed Waluigi's shoulder and whipped him around, slinging him against a wall. Waluigi lifted a long leg and drove the bottom of his foot into the muscular chest, without batting an eye or missing a beat. The raccoon sprawled on his ass in the gutter.

Without needing a cue, the armed goons both attacked at the same time. Waluigi blocked the weapons with his forearms and kicked again. He knocked the more muscular opossum with the club away, but the chain snared his arm. Its wielder easily yanked the significantly lighter man off balance. Waluigi went down, gritting his teeth as he caught himself on his right hand. It was still tender. He recovered swiftly enough to sweep a leg across his attacker's ankles, bringing him to the ground as well. The thug's face hit the curb. Waluigi curled onto his shoulder blades, kicked both legs down to spring to upright, and landed with both feet on the back of his opponent's skull. There was a sickening crunch and a muffled scream. One out of the fray.

While he regained his balance, the fat opossum and the ferret grabbed Waluigi's arms and slammed him into the wall once, twice, three times. The air left his lungs in an audible huff and his vision swam. The caffeine from the pills he'd taken at dinner and the adrenaline powered high of the fight kept him on his feet. The distinct _shckt_ of a switchblade sharpened his focus as the raccoon with the blood-matted fur came at him for another round.

Luigi watched the skirmish in a state of bewildered panic. They still had his phone. He couldn't call for help. The sense of complete powerlessness overwhelmed him for a long moment, until a desperate thrash from Waluigi managed to disarm the gang member with the bat. Luigi seized on it instantly and swung it up between the nearest pair of legs. The fat opossum collapsed with a breathless keen. Two out of the fray. Waluigi elbowed the ferret's adam's apple twice in rapid succession, snarling through reddened teeth. Three out. When the enraged doppelganger dove onto the final thug and began smashing his face in with bloodied knuckles, the raccoon seemed to decide he wasn't worth it. He punched the scrawny chest to dislodge the attacker from his buddy, and then they retreated.

Waluigi maintained his fighting stance until the last of the gang staggered into the night. Then he wobbled and collapsed to his knees. His breath gurgled slightly in his throat. A trembling hand dug into the pocket at his chest and pulled out the cracked remains of his phone. "Call Daisy," he said without looking up.

"I think they took my phone," Luigi said. Then his eyes widened. "Oh, god, they have my keys. And my ID. They know where we live…"

"One thing at a time, pipsqueak," Waluigi said. Pain flared in his lungs with each labored breath, but he forced himself to stand. "Hold me up. Walk that way." He jerked his chin to indicate a direction up the street.

Luigi let the taller man use his shoulder as a crutch. "Are you okay?"

The beckoning unconsciousness was especially appealing after the sleepless week. "Don't talk. Walk." They had a ways to go, but he could make it if he concentrated on breathing. Inhale one, exhale two, inhale three…

His doppelganger's clearly agonized respiration worried Luigi, but there wasn't anything he could do besides follow the directions. When they finally reach a bus stop in a more commercial part of town, Waluigi crumpled onto the bench with a moaned sigh. Luigi noticed the dark stain seeping across the lavender shirt, barely peaking from under the dark overalls. On closer inspection, he realized the overall's bib shone wetly in the artificial light. "Oh my god…" Luigi breathed.

Waluigi fixed him with a glazed stare. "Don't panic."

Luigi touched Waluigi's thin, heaving abdomen. His dirtied, white glove came away undeniably crimson. "Oh my god!"

"Panicking won't help." His voice cracked as he coughed into his elbow. Tiny red flecks spattered the purple sleeve. Waluigi didn't seem to notice.

Luigi's eyes darted around the street. There were more people here. "Phone! Phone! I need a phone!"

"S'okay…" Waluigi slurred. "It'll…" His head bowed and his shoulders slumped. He might've tumbled off the bench if Luigi hadn't caught him.

"No, no. Stay awake," Luigi pleaded. Then, in a louder shriek, "Help! He's been stabbed! I need a phone, please!"


	6. Hospital Haze

Daisy paced the small stretch of floor in front of her couch. She stared at her phone, mentally commanding it to ring, but some things were beyond even Daisy's force of will. Nearby, she heard Mario leaving another voice mail for Luigi, but she wasn't listening to the words anymore. If the first five hadn't worked, why would a sixth?

"Luigi has never been out this late without answering his phone," Mario said from the couch. Then, in a lower voice, "Of course he's never raised his voice or run out on me, either. I wonder where he picked it up."

Daisy rubbed her temples. "Please don't start."

"I didn't mean you."

"I know you didn't."

The awkward silence stretched the seconds into minutes. Peach rested her head on Mario's shoulder, rubbing his upper arm comfortingly. She kept her mouth shut and her eyes on Mario's shoes. Daisy and Peach had never _quite_ been friends. Their station in life often landed them in the same room at parties, and they'd spent many childhood afternoons playing dress-up or exchanging secrets while their parents had tea in the other room. As they'd grown into adolescence, however, their tastes had diverged drastically. Daisy had still sought out Peach as a familiar face at stuffy social events where she didn't know what else to do with herself, but they'd lost any connection they'd had as children. When Daisy finally confessed to Peach about sneaking around with the Weegees, Peach had only two questions:

_What?! How long has this been going on?_

When Daisy answered that it had been going on for a few months, Peach had sighed, shaken her head, and lapsed into a cold silence. The next day, Daisy's parents gave their daughter the ultimatum, and Daisy had decided to leave. Daisy still didn't know if her choice disgusted Peach, or if she had turned a haughty shoulder because societal protocol demanded it. The reason didn't matter, since the end result was the same. They had never quite been friends, and Daisy was apathetic about changing that.

Then there was Mario. Luigi had specifically requested that he be allowed to confront Mario alone, and that Waluigi and Daisy stay out of it. As such, neither of them had any complete idea of how the confrontation had gone, or what exactly Mario thought of the whole situation. Not until earlier in the night, at any rate. If Mario did think Waluigi was abusing Luigi somehow, where did Daisy fall into it? Did he think that Waluigi was abusing her too? Because he had to know she had more sense than to stick around and put up with bullshit like that. Did he think Waluigi was doing it behind her back? And, worst of all, did he think she knew and chose not to do anything about it, because maybe she favored one over the other or some such thing?

"Listen," Daisy finally said out loud. "I don't know what exactly you think is happening, but I don't fuck around when it comes to my Weegees. Either of them. If one was having a problem with the other, don't you think I'd do something about it?"

"I'm sure _you_ would, but it's him I don't trust. Can you be sure of everything Waluigi does when you're not looking? What he's thinking at any given moment?"

"Luigi tells me everything, and he's never been very good at lying. I would know if something was wrong." She stopped pacing and crossed her arms, tilting her head at the shortest of the four plumbers. "Why is it so hard for you to accept the idea that maybe they've figured out how to get along?"

"They're our opposites. We've never had any common ground. Why, after years of fighting, would they suddenly find some?"

"They've both always liked me," Daisy shrugged. "They're a lot more alike than you'd think on a basic level. Waluigi doesn't-" Her phone rang. Forgetting the conversation, she answered the unknown number with a desperately optimistic, "Hello?"

"Daisy?" It was Luigi's exhausted voice.

"I can't express how happy I am to hear your voice. Are you okay? Where are you?"

"I'm… Is Mario still with you?"

Daisy glanced at the pair on the couch. "Yes. We walked all the way back to the apartment hoping we'd run across you. We were waiting to see if…" She trailed off when she heard Luigi groan.

"I'm so sorry. I would have called you an hour ago, but Wario refused to let me borrow is phone."

"Wario? Wario's with you?" The fat little troll had found them and hadn't bothered to tell her? Wherever they were, she had half a mind to go over there and kick his ass.

Mario tensed a bit at the mention of his doppelganger.

"Waluigi… Waluigi's hurt. Apparently Wario's his emergency contact." Luigi's voice trembled slightly. "The doctors are saying he's stable now, but he hasn't woken up yet, so…"

Daisy pressed the fingers of her free hand to her forehead and started pacing again. "Wait a minute. Where are you?"

"Um… Heaven's Gate Hospital, I think it's called? Yeah."

"What exactly happened?"

"Please don't tell Mario," Luigi begged sheepishly. "I'll never live it down."

"Just tell me."

"These… five, I think? Three opossums and a ferret, led by a raccoon… They mugged me. Waluigi got me free and tried to walk away, but they attacked…" Luigi's voice cracked and he gulped. "Can you- Can you come, please? I'm still not feeling very good and Wario- Wario isn't helping."

Daisy was already pulling on her shoes. "I was on my way yesterday, Weegee. I'll see you soon." She made kissing sounds into the phone and hung up. Before Mario could ask, Daisy said, "I gotta go. They're at the hospital. It didn't sound like Luigi was too hurt, but Waluigi's unconscious."

Mario and Peach looked at each other. Then, Mario asked, "Can we come with you?"

Daisy sighed and tapped her phone on the table. "It… Didn't sound like he wanted to…"

"I'll pay for a cab. It'll be faster than the bus, if you can even find a bus running at this time of night. Please?"

The short man in red looked so worried. Daisy bit her lip and shifted her weight from foot to foot. If the situation had been reversed, she would hate to be left out of the loop. She was supposed to side with the Weegees, however, and both of them were in shut down mode at the moment, as far as Mario was concerned. At the same time they had to break the pattern of fights and silent treatments eventually. She nodded and jerked her head in a 'come on, then' gesture.

000

They found Luigi sitting on a couch near the window in Waluigi's room, staring forlornly at the slender man asleep in the hospital bed. Wario slouched in an arm chair, testing some microgames on his phone. Daisy ran to Luigi and gathered him into a hug. She could always chew out Wario later. There were more pressing matters on hand at the moment. "Oh, my poor Weegee. We came as fast as we could."

"It's my stupid fault," he said. He didn't even acknowledge his brother, or the princess.

"I'm sure that's not true," Daisy said. Though she continued hugging Luigi's head to her chest, she turned her line of sight to the man in the bed. An angry bruise stained Waluigi's jaw. An oxygen tube snaked from nostrils. An IV bag fed clear fluid into his veins. His wrists were buckled into padded restraints. She assumed it was to keep him from getting tangled in the tubes and wires if he started thrashing in his sleep. It was hard to tell much else, what with the sheet pulled up under his armpits.

"If I hadn't gotten myself lost, there never would've been a fight. If I'd helped sooner, maybe they wouldn't have stabbed him." Luigi looked up at Daisy. "He didn't even tell me he was hurt. He knew it would freak me out. Why am I so…"

"Sh, it's okay." Daisy gave him in extra squeeze. "It was just some bad luck. Anyone could get mugged wandering around after dark."

"And that's why I should've known better," Luigi protested miserably.

"My idiot brother thinks he's invincible," Wario groused without looking up from his phone. "This crap used to happen way more often than it should've."

"Are _you_ hurt?" Mario asked, sitting next to his brother.

"Not- not physically," Luigi said. Each agonizing minute waiting for the ambulance had taken a heavy toll on him. Especially since Waluigi had passed out shortly before it arrived. He still hadn't regained consciousness. Granted he'd been in surgery since then and drugs were at least partially responsible for his current unconsciousness.

Wario reached for the soda next to him. When he picked it up, he frowned and shook the can a little. Grumbling to himself, he crushed it in one hand and chucked it at the trashcan on his way to the door. "I'm going to the vending machine. Call me if the idiot starts waking up."

Daisy scowled after Wario, and then turned to Luigi. "I think I could use something to drink, too." She kissed his temple. "You want anything while I'm there?"

"You're going?" Luigi watched her with a rather distressed expression.

"I'll be back. I'm sure Mario can keep you company. You two have a lot to talk about, after all."

After she left, Luigi hugged his knees to his chest. He didn't speak to Mario or Peach, choosing instead to resume contemplating his damaged doppelganger.

"Why is he restrained?" Mario asked.

"He has night terrors. When he sleeps," Luigi answered hesitantly. He didn't want to fight again. Not right now.

"I see." Mario lapsed into silence once more.

Luigi sighed and buried his face in his knees. "I shouldn't have run off," he mumbled. "It was stupid."

"I shouldn't have been so harsh," Mario said. "Those two tend to bring out the worst in me."

"He saved me."

"I know," but the brother in red still sounded unconvinced. "Sometimes I wonder, though, if maybe you just… got sucked into it with him because Daisy…"

"I'm not incapable of making my own decisions."

"That's not what I meant. Sometimes it seems like you," Mario paused to choose the right words, "compromise because you don't think you can do better."

"If I was unhappy, I wouldn't be here."

"Yeah, you say that." They both watch Waluigi sleep for a while. "You never told me how this whole thing happened."

"What whole thing?"

"The situation with you and Daisy and…"

Luigi hunched his shoulders and twiddled his thumbs. The details were a little embarrassing. "It was that team race we won a few months ago, on Yoshi's island, where Daisy and I wound up with Bowser, King Boo, and the Wa brothers. The prize was this sort of luau party by the springs, with performers, lots of food, and," Luigi blushed, "quite a bit of drinking. Daisy was having a blast. I was just trying to be invisible and get through the night unscathed.

At some point Waluigi decided it would be funny to shove me into the spring. Daisy, defending my honor, got involved and shoved him in, too. Apparently he doesn't swim very well, because he panicked and I had to drag him out. Wario was too busy laughing, not to mention I was probably the only clear-headed individual left, aside from King Boo, because, you know, ghosts don't drink... Anyway, Waluigi stormed off in a huff like he does when he's embarrassed. After Daisy sobered up bit, she felt bad, so she went after him.

She was gone for a while, so I decided to go back to the cabins without her. I ran across them on the way." Luigi hesitated. "They were in the water kissing and, um, their clothes were on the ground by the- by the shore. I got kind of mad because, well, we'd both had a crush on Daisy for years, and there he was, moving in first, like he always did, or at least tried to do… Except this time my jealousy got the better of me, so when he started heading back toward the cabins alone I decided to intercept and confront him. We only fought for a little bit, though. Things kind of got… weird after that. I think- Maybe he'd had more to drink than I thought? He never could hold his alcohol. I don't- I don't know."

The story took a rather pornographic turn at this point, and Luigi struggled to find an appropriate transition. "So, um, things happened, we got around to talking, and eventually decided it wouldn't be such a bad thing if we hung out more often. It might have been Daisy's idea at first, though. She's always been braver than me and more diplomatic than him."

Mario rubbed his face with his hands and then clasped them together in front of his mouth as he contemplated Waluigi's unconscious form. "I... I'm trying to understand, Luigi, but I'm really uncomfortable with this. Maybe he's not as bad as I think, but he's not harmless, either. You should be with someone who treats you well. I don't care if it's an act or a game. There shouldn't be any excuse."

"The first time he took us home to Wario, he was grinning and bragging like he won the lottery. Wherever we go, he doesn't care who knows we're together, because he's proud that we're with him. He makes me feel like I'm some kind of prize that he won, you know? Like I'm the most important person in the world." He pulled his eyes away from the hospital bed long enough to give Mario a plaintive look. "Please just trust me. I know what I'm doing."

Mario removed his hat and twisted it between his hands, rubbing at the emblem with a gloved thumb. Luigi had discovered his own independence and while Mario hated to admit it, Waluigi was half right about one thing. Mario was not ready to let go of the little brother he'd looked after since childhood. It was scary to see the one person he'd expected to be there forever go off on his own. If he didn't accept it and make peace, however, it would drive an even bigger wedge between them. "I don't know. I've still got a lot of thinking to do."

Luigi decided to let it go for now. At least he'd gotten Mario listening.

000

The night dragged on. Wario pillaged and stockpiled a bunch of candy from the vending machine. When he wasn't playing with his phone he was arguing with the hospital staff. Waluigi interrupted the monotony briefly when he flew into a fit of night terrors—setting the heart monitor into a frenzy of panicked beeping—but the restraints on his wrists and ankles kept him from inflicting any serious damage on himself or the people and equipment around him. After the on-duty nurse injected something into his IV line, the thrashing and screaming devolved into subdued squirming and moaning. With the nightly attack out of the way, Wario put away his phone and passed out in a snoring, drooling stupor in the chair.

It was as much to escape this disgusting racket as it was to stretch her legs that Daisy left to pace the hallway. Sweet little Luigi stayed behind, snoozing in a chair next to the hospital bed, holding fast to their boyfriend's hand. Daisy couldn't sleep. She wasn't as worried as she had been before the doctor's assurance that Waluigi was on the fast track to recovery, but the waiting game was horrible. The tomboy princess—former princess—was a doer. She knew sitting and watching wouldn't make much difference at this point. Luigi had convinced himself of such, but Daisy couldn't. At the same time, there was little else she could do. Except sit and wait.

She stopped in the small sitting area at the end of the hall and stared into the blackness beyond the window. The glare of the fluorescent lights obstructed her line of sight to the outside world, but that didn't matter. She wasn't actually looking at any of it. Her frustrated circles of thought were interrupted by an approaching reflection. A slim, graceful one.

The pink princess approached with a purpose. She looked right at Daisy as she walked up to the window and stopped right beside her. For a moment, she peered at her dim reflection, adjusting an errant strand of hair. "I never could tolerate sharing a room with that slimy grease ball," Peach sighed in her soft, delicate voice. "I wish I knew how you manage it."

"Wario could kick us all out of the room for the rest of the night, if he wanted to. Next of kin and all that. I get along with him because I have to," Daisy said. "It's not so bad, though. He's not around much." Part of her was surprised Wario hadn't left hours ago. Maybe he liked his brother more than he let on, but Daisy kept those contemplations to herself.

"Hm." Peach looked skeptical, but didn't explain herself. "All the same, thank you for allowing us to wait in your home, and for assisting me at dinner. I…" She hesitated. "I was not certain if you liked me anymore."

Daisy wasn't sure how to answer that. Since it wasn't a direct question, she merely shrugged and said, "Yeah, well… Wario was being a dick…"

"I wanted to apologize," Peach continued. "When we were children, you trusted me with all of your secrets. I was a little offended that you did not seem to trust me anymore."

Daisy shifted her gaze from the ghostly reflections to the alabaster face next to her.

"I know I am not like you, but I had hoped we would still be able to talk to one another. You were always one of the most interesting people with whom I was permitted to socialize. You never treated me like untouchable glass before. You may have been the only one."

"You were upset because I lied to you." Daisy crossed her arms and leaned a shoulder against the glass. "It was a very delicate situation. Especially with the Weegees' history. I didn't want to involve anyone else until I was sure it wasn't going to blow up in my face."

"I would have supported you," Peach said. "Oh, everything happened so quickly. You moved out. I missed my chance to apologize for my behavior and explain why I was cross with you. I am sorry."

Daisy smiled and looked out the window. "It's all right. It works out better this way, I think. Now I can focus on what I really want to do."

"Oh?" Peach asked. Her pink lips formed the sound as softly and daintily as she did everything else.

Daisy laughed nervously and rubbed the back of her head. "I'm not completely sure what it is yet, but the sky's the limit, you know? No more hitting my head on the gold ceiling."

They were silent for a while. Peach appeared to be working up the courage for something. "Luigi was explaining the events of the night you three… I suppose 'hooked-up' is the appropriate phrase?"

Daisy's eyes glazed a bit as she flashed back to the moon on the water in the middle of the otherwise pitch black jungle. She remembered the half-drunk, fully nude Waluigi flailing as she—equally nude though somewhat less drunk—tried to teach him how to float. A task fraught with futility, due in part to his low percentage of body fat, but his distracted fascination with her breasts hadn't helped. In hindsight, she recognized that latter point was the only reason he'd allowed her to drag him into the water in the first place. The memory pulled up a cheeky smile. "How much did he tell you?"

"A little," Peach answered. "Though there is only one aspect I am still puzzling over. How on earth did you convince them to bury the hatchet?"

"Ah." Daisy chuckled a little. "It was a long, slow process. I couldn't say exactly. Waluigi was the one who sort of started it, surprisingly enough."

"Really?" Peach cocked her head.

"Yeah. I'm not saying I never fantasized about either, or both, of them before that night, but it wouldn't have occurred to me to actually approach Waluigi with the idea. Or Luigi for that matter. He's far too shy." Daisy nodded. "It was definitely Walgee's shameless lack of impulse control that started it, though.

See, things got a little rowdy at the after party, and I accidentally exposed that Waluigi can't swim. Everyone was laughing and he got all sulky, so I went to apologize. At some point, I got this idea in my head that I'd make it up to him by teaching him how to swim. It didn't seem like a big deal to me at the time. Anatomy is just anatomy, you know? It wasn't anything either of us hadn't seen before. At the time, I don't think I knew that he was attracted to me. He's so strange. It hadn't really occurred to me that he could like anybody.

So, we were skinny dipping, and at first he seemed kind of surprised and unsure what do with himself. A little bit like Luigi used to be when I tried to flirt with him." Daisy smiled absentmindedly. "Of course Waluigi eventually got himself together and made a move. Don't get me wrong, Luigi is adorable and I wouldn't trade him for anything, but you've gotta be direct and persistent sometimes, you know?"

Peach nodded slowly. "I think I understand."

"But Waluigi came at me with this all-in, no-nonsense kiss, like the idea that I would ever turn him down wasn't even an option, and it was… really exciting. For the sake of discretion, we decided we'd leave ten or so minutes apart and meet in his room. He left first. As I was getting out of the water and looking for my clothes, however, I thought I heard Luigi yelling from somewhere up the trail. I think it was the first time I'd heard him get truly angry.

By the time I finally found them, the yelling had stopped. Waluigi had him pinned against a tree, and Luigi had a wide-eyed, sort of befuddled look on his face. Before I could jump to his rescue, Waluigi," Daisy chuckled, "licked him. Like a long, slow lick from his neck to his ear. Luigi started stammering and fidgeting, but Waluigi just laughed. When they saw me, he asked if I wanted to watch and then laughed some more. I won't go through all the graphic details, but I tell you, that little after after-party was the most fun I'd had in a _long_ time. Waluigi kept coming after us for repeat performances after that. Over time the other stuff sort of fell into place on its own. I don't know how exactly they worked it out." Daisy smirked and then nudged Peach with an elbow. "Maybe that night they realized they could accomplish more as a team."

Peach looked confused for a moment, and then blushed. "Oh." She twiddled her thumbs, examining her exquisitely manicured nails. "Perhaps you are right. I would not know."

Daisy gave a slight, amused shake of her head and looked out the window again. It was a definitely a different response than the line of questioning she'd received from Mona. She wondered if Peach was still saving herself for Mario. It was a very likely possibility. Peach had always been more sentimental than adventurous.

"So, two men around the house," Peach continued. "That sounds as though it could either be very convenient or very exhausting."

"A little of both," Daisy laughed.

000

Every night was like a game of chance. Spin the wheel and win a prize. Insomnia was right out this time. So what did he land on? Sleep paralysis. The rarest suffered yet most irritating of his four conditions. He was awake enough for Wario's snoring to saw into his nerves, but he wasn't awake enough to tell him to knock it off. He felt Luigi's loose grip on his hand, but he couldn't tighten his own fingers in response. All he could do was lay there, counting breaths, trying to focus in on Luigi's touch and tune out Wario's godawful racket. Waiting. Testing motor connections, until finally, "Either wake him up or cover my ears."

He felt and heard Luigi jump in the chair next to him. "Waluigi?"

The man in question opened his eyes a sliver and grinned his widest grin. "Mornin, pipsqueak." That hospital sort of odor hung in the air, and he recognized the feeling of a breathing tube in his nose.

"I'm so glad you're okay." Luigi almost dove on him, but reined himself in enough to embrace the injured man more gently. "You scared me to death."

"How's that?"

"They stabbed you! You were bleeding out in my arms!"

"Weh," Waluigi shrugged. His eyes turned to the restraints around his wrists as he tested them half-heartedly. Suddenly, loud enough to cause Luigi _and_ Mario to jump a little, "Hey, lard lump!"

Wario jerked awake and blinked, struggling upright in a cascade of cans and candy wrappers. His disgruntled scowl settled on his younger brother, not quite focused yet.

"You were snoring." Waluigi glanced up from the restraints, amusement plain on his face.

Wario's eyes widened slightly, and then narrowed. "Don't make me finish what they started, bean pole. You've been a big enough pain for one night." Despite his bitter tone, he got his feet under himself and walked to the bed, cracking his neck as he went.

"Finish nothing. I'm gonna outlive _you_ by years."

"Not if you keep doing this shit, you won't."

"They started it. Besides, you should see the other guys."

"I'll make sure to put that on your tombstone." He raised a hand in the air and swept in slowly across in front of him. "Here lies Waluigi." He repeated the action a bit lower. "You should see the other guy."

The two laughed until Waluigi broke into a coughing fit. "Wah… fucking… hospitals…" he muttered, swallowing a few times. Then, louder, "Is Daisy around?"

"Oh, right. She went to get some air. I'll go find her." Luigi lingered a bit longer. "I'm just so happy you're okay. I felt so…"

"Guilty?" Waluigi smirked. "Forget it. I'll figure out what you owe me later." He winked.

Luigi opened his mouth to protest, and then laughed. "You know, I'm too happy to let that embarrass me right now." He kissed Waluigi square on his dry lips and then hurried off to inform their girlfriend of the good news.

Waluigi smiled after him. "He's too cute for his own good."

Mario cocked his head. "You know I always thought you hated him."

"Wah? Pff…" Waluigi made a dismissive gesture with one of his restrained hands and resettled himself in the sheets. "Lotta Freudian and Jungian crap involved in this doppelganger stuff. Never was that black and white. Though life would be easier if it was, huh?"

Mario seemed surprised, and suddenly interested. "What do you mean?"

"I used to think I was his shadow, and that frustrated me. I thought I had to prove I wasn't some inferior dark stuff he wanted to throw away. One night he finally stood up to me, and I realized I'm much more like his id, and he's more like my super ego. With Daisy mitigating between us, we have our ego, and we are a complete person."

"Oh, gag me with a spoon," Wario grumbled.

"I'm surprised you haven't gagged yourself with a spoon already," Waluigi shot back.

The explanation was a surprisingly poetic sentiment. Mario ignored the bickering and zeroed in on that new wonder. "So you… know Freudian psychology…" Mario said slowly.

Waluigi shrugged. "I've tried a lot of things to help me sleep. Figured if I didn't learn anything useful, I'd at least fall asleep from boredom. Of course I didn't, but that's beside the point."

"He gets stupider when he doesn't sleep. You're probably not used to seeing him coherent," Wario chimed in.

"Go… do something useful," Waluigi scowled. "Find out when I can go home or something."

"Couple of days. They want to keep you for observation."

"Oh, come on, really?"

Wario fixed him with a flat look and spoke very slowly. "You had a _hole_ in your _lung_, Walu."

"Well they closed it up, didn't they? I'll rest at home. I won't even leave the couch, or my bed, or wherever."

"You know as well as I do that you can't promise that."

"Then I won't sleep, either."

"That's not any better. Quit being such a stubborn brat. You were too old for it five years ago."

Waluigi growled and let his head flop into the pillow, going limp. A fatalistic, over-dramatic surrender. On closer inspection, though Waluigi was louder and more aggressive about it, the number of habits and mannerisms he shared with Luigi was rather unsettling. Once more Mario found himself wondering just how much like Wario he actually was, even on a subconscious level. Did he really sound that overbearing and condescending to Luigi?

The door flew open and Daisy rushed through with Luigi and Peach in tow. She cupped Waluigi's face in both hands and kissed his forehead. "You are a brave, brave man."

"Yeah," Waluigi said to Wario. "I'm brave."

"Idiotically so," Wario said.

Waluigi was about to stick his tongue out at his brother, but Daisy turned his face back toward her. "You're our hero. Nothing else matters. I just wish I could've been there to help."

Waluigi grinned. "We could kick some serious ass together."

"How did you manage to find me when you did?" Luigi asked, cocking his head.

Waluigi cast a wary, rather sheepish look at him. "I may have sort of followed you, just a little bit. Diamond City is a fucked up place."

"Why didn't you tell me before I got lost in an alley?"

"You weren't ready to talk," Waluigi said with a shrug.

It wasn't a guess. He said it like he knew he couldn't be wrong. Luigi didn't even bother to answer, because he also knew his doppelganger was right. He just smiled at his shoes and clasped his hands behind his back. It may have been weird sometimes, dating an aspect of his self, but being so close with someone who knew him so well and read him so easily felt good enough to override the weirdness.

"Do you need anything?" Daisy asked the man in the bed.

"Water. And a straw. Or the restraints off. Actually, if someone could just press the call button for me, that would be great. Then I could kick Wario in the shins myself."

"You kick me in the shin, I'll punch you in the mouth," Wario threatened.

"Like you could reach," Waluigi snorted. "Short stack."

"You won't be so tall when I break you in half."

"One of you is lying in a hospital bed. Can't you two take a break from this ridiculousness?" Daisy asked.

"Oh, he likes it," Wario said dismissively.

During all of this, Mario took the opportunity to pull Luigi aside. "Maybe you were right. I'm sorry I was so nasty earlier. You'll always be my little brother, but you know him a lot better than I ever will. I should trust your judgment."

Luigi smiled. "Thanks. Your blessing still means a lot to me."

"I know." The brothers clasped each other's right wrists and pulled into a half embrace, half handshake.

The Wa brothers watch Mario and Luigi hug. "You know," Waluigi said, grinning at Wario. "Times like this, I count myself lucky to have a brother who's so easy to bribe."

"Streamlines the whole mushy process," Wario agreed.

"Shut up," Mario scowled.

**A/N: I don't know why it's so hard for me to write Mario and Peach. Anyway, I've been working on this for weeks now, and there are other things I need to get done. With the Mario conflict wrapped up, this seems like a good place to stop for a while.**


	7. Initial Impression

_Roughly Three Months Ago…_

Wario was used to walking in on his little brother doing strange things. Playing videogames upside-down on his back, with his knees hooked over the back of the couch, for example. In that vein, he wasn't surprised when he'd found Waluigi on his knees on the counter, digging through the spice cupboard mumbling under his breath. Even the crowd of pots and pans completely obscuring the stovetop wasn't entirely unusual. The giddiness, however, was completely new. He'd seen Waluigi excited, and he'd seen him hyper, but never like this. Giddy was the only word that could accurately describe the way he was grinning and bouncing around the kitchen. "I hope you're planning on cleaning up when you're done, 'cause I'm not touching this mess."

Waluigi did a half-twirl sort of motion to face his brother. He was still beaming. "You're home! Right on time." He clapped his hands once and rubbed his palms together. "This is good. This is very good."

Wario frowned, slowly removing his riding jacket and tossing it over the back of his chair. "That's a lot of food for two people."

Waluigi crossed him arms and stood up straight, pleased as the piranha plant that ate the birdo. "That's because it's for four people."

"You invited people over," Wario said warily.

Waluigi gave him several short, sharp nods, and then returned to cooking.

"Dare I ask who?"

"If I told you, you wouldn't believe me, so you'll have to wait and see. They should be here soon. Nine hundred more ticks, give or take."

"Whatever." Wario went to the fridge, pulled out a soda, and waddled toward the TV room. "Just call me when the food's done."

000

The immense house—almost a mansion, really—was hard to miss, even through the thick trees. Luigi tightened his grip on Daisy's hand as they followed the footpath through forest. They'd slipped in from the rear of the property, using Waluigi's secret exit so that people on the main road wouldn't see them stop in front of the Wa brother's house. It wasn't the forest itself that had his heart thundering in his chest, though. Mario would flip if he knew what Luigi was doing right now. He didn't even want to know what a vicious little ogre like Wario would do to him.

"It's so pretty in here. Do you think Wario owns all of it?" Daisy asked, watching a bird flitter across the path.

Luigi just shrugged, staring at the ground with wide eyes and expressionless lips. His mouth felt dry.

"Hey," Daisy said, peering at him. "Don't be so nervous. It's going to be fine."

"You're really going to tell me that Wario doesn't unnerve you even a little bit?"

"Well, he's gross, but that's nothing to be scared off. Besides, if it was going to be a problem, Waluigi wouldn't be so enthusiastic about telling him."

"Waluigi would tell every single person in the kingdom two or three times if I hadn't explained to him why it's not a good idea. I mean, it's flattering, how he's so proud and all," Luigi amended quickly, "but he doesn't exactly have a- a grasp on the how the world, outside of his whims, works. His judgment isn't… comforting."

"Neither of us is going to let Wario do anything bad to you." She adjusted Luigi's hat and trailed her fingers across his cheeks. "Relax."

The path emptied out through a garden hedge and took them left past a row of piranha plants. A veritable rainbow of bulbous heads turned to follow them as they passed, tongues lolling like dogs. Though Daisy admired them on the way by, she maintained a safe distance. The princess in yellow and the plumber in green made their way to the front door and rang the golden bell hanging next to it. A few seconds later, the door flew open, revealing Waluigi's characteristic toothy smile.

"Come in, come in, come in…" He stepped aside and ushered them into the front hall. Once the door was closed, he draped an arm around each of their shoulders and leaned forward enough to bring his head level with theirs. "Guess you found the place okay. Dinner's ready. Hope you like chicken piccata. I wasn't sure, but-"

Waluigi's aimless chatter carried an undertone of nervousness that Luigi was surprised to hear from his boisterous doppelganger. Forgetting his own butterflies for moment, Luigi stood on tiptoe to kiss the narrow cheek. Evidently Daisy had similar thoughts, because she followed suit on the other side.

The tall man stopped midsentence, and then chuckled a little, squeezing their shoulders. "Okay, then. Let's go blow Wario's mind."

Wario slouched in an armchair with his furry bare feet thrown up on an ottoman. He hated recliners—too much work to get in and out of one. The button on his purple jeans was undone, allowing his ponderous gut to spill across his lap more comfortably. When his peripheral vision spotted his little brother entering the room with two other people, he cast a disinterest glance in their direction, moving only his eyes. Then he did a double take, sitting up and twisting in the chair to confirm that his mind wasn't playing tricks on him. "_They're_ the mysterious dinner guests?"

"I told you you wouldn't believe me."

Wario's eyes darted from Daisy, to Luigi, and back again. He'd known about his brother's crush on the princess. While he couldn't figure out how he'd managed to get her to visit, Luigi's presence raised even more questions. Finally, he settled on what seemed like a decent catchall question. "What's going on?"

Waluigi squared his shoulders proudly as he answered, "_I_ am introducing my lovers," he savored the moment, finally being able to say the word out loud, "to my family, because we've reached a point where it's time to start doing that sort of thing." His body vibrated with the barely restrained anticipation of an excitable Chihuahua as he waited for Wario's reaction.

"Lovers," Wario repeated, deadpan.

"Uhuh!" Waluigi nodded.

"All three of you."

"Yes! The great Waluigi has a boyfriend and a girlfriend. Because everything I touch turns to awesome. Wahaha!"

Wario was quiet for a moment, and then he burst out laughing. "Oh, man, you almost had me there for a minute. Now come on. They lose a bet or something?"

"It's true," Waluigi insisted, deflating almost instantly. "I've been sneaking around with them for weeks."

"Riiight. And koopas will fly out of my butt. I'm not an idiot, Walu."

Luigi was taken aback. He hadn't expected this reaction at all. Based on Waluigi's frustrated frown, it was fair to assume this wasn't what he'd expected either.

"He's telling the truth," Daisy said, rather defensively.

Wario frowned. "If that is the truth, it's the least interesting thing that could be going on right now. Is the food ready?"

Waluigi sighed, shoulders slumped. "Yes."

"Now _that's_ some news that interests me."

The news had gone over so easily that the ordeal left Luigi somewhat staggered. He'd worried about Wario being angry that his brother was 'in bed with the enemy' as it were. He'd expected the greedy miser to blackmail Daisy. It certainly hadn't occurred to him that Wario simply wouldn't care. "That's it?" Luigi ventured as they followed Wario to the kitchen.

The pudgy man snorted. "I don't give two flying farts what or who my brother does in his spare time." He paused. "I guess I _am_ glad he found something to keep him busy. Less time _I_ gotta spend entertaining him."

Waluigi rolled his eyes and looked at the ceiling, rubbing the back of his neck.

"_If_ I did care," Wario continued, plopping into the chair at the head of the table, "I wouldn't be surprised that he wanted to sleep with himself. I _might_ wonder what Daisy's doing with him, though." He turned his attention to the princess. "I mean, you're both way out of his league, but Luigi's got no self-esteem. Dunno how Walu roped _you_ into this."

Daisy's eyes darted between the Wa brothers, trying to gauge the situation. She usually jumped to the defense of Luigi's dignity, but she wasn't sure if Waluigi needed or wanted her assistance. He went about serving food and drinks, barely reacting to the thinly veiled insults Wario yammered out. "It seems you were wrong," Daisy said.

"Or you don't know the whacky bastard well enough yet," Wario said.

"You're just jealous," Waluigi said as he sat down with his own plate.

"I _could_'ve had a chick if I _wanted_ one. Queen Merelda was all over me."

"You can say that all you want," Waluigi said, raising his eyebrows as he twirled his fork in his noodles, "but could'ves and would'ves don't make you any less alone."

"I have better things to do than run off with some royal bitch just because I rescued her from an evil king. It's an idiotic expectation and I am above it." Wario jabbed a finger against the table to emphasize his point.

"Blah blah blah. Go fuck a bag of coins, yah lonely bastard."

The joke hadn't been that funny, but the timing combined with the contrast between Waluigi's cool disinterest and Wario's heated defensiveness caught Daisy off guard. She choked on a giggle, which seemed to have caught itself on a bite of chicken she'd been swallowing. Waluigi beamed, sliding her glass of wine into her fumbling hand.

Wario just glared. "He's not funny. Don't encourage him."

Luigi sat very still, not sure what to do with himself. He'd known in an abstract sense that the Wa brother's fought a lot, but the restrained intensity between the two made the much shier man very uncomfortable. Hoping to diffuse the tension by redirecting the subject, or at the very least his doppelganger's attention, he said, "This is great, Waluigi. Did you make it yourself?"

Waluigi grinned. "I do all the cooking." Clasping his hands under his sharp chin, he leveled a smirk at the fat man sitting opposite him. "Beanbag-butt over there won't lift a finger unless it's to shovel more food into his face."

"You won't lift a finger unless it's to shove it down your throat, yah skinny bitch," Wario growled.

Luigi forced himself to keep going. The whole point of having dinner here was to formally meet Wario and get to know Waluigi better. If the two bickered all night, no one would get much of anything accomplished. "I do most of the- the cooking at our house, too," he said. "Maybe next time Mario's out of town I can return the favor or… something…" It worked. Sly affection turned up the corners of Waluigi's mouth and intense gray eyes shone with intrigue as they fixed themselves on Luigi. It was still a welcome relief to be able to hold eye contact without fear of what his unpredictable doppelganger might be thinking. These days the expression made Luigi's stomach flutter for different reasons.

"Wait, you haven't told Mario yet?" Wario asked.

Luigi shook his head quickly, eyes wide. "Mario would kill me. Or kill Waluigi and lock me up in the house for the rest of my life, but… It wouldn't end well."

"I don't know why you're so afraid of that midget," Waluigi said. "I could punt him if I wanted to."

"You don't know him like I do," Luigi said softly.

Wario turned his attention to Daisy. "I'm guessing the king and queen of Sarasaland don't know where their daughter is, either."

"They think I'm staying over at Delfino Island with Peach," Daisy admitted.

"Ha! Sneaky. Nice." Wario's face contorted into a broad grin, eyes glittering in the shadow of his bushy eyebrows. Then he dug into his pasta with a mighty slurp.

Waluigi caught Daisy's eye, tossing her a wink and a thumbs up.

When they finished eating, Wario went off on his own while Waluigi scraped all the leftovers into a bucket. Luigi watched from where he was helping load the dishwasher. Guest or not, cleaning up after dinner was an ingrained impulse. "That was a lot easier than I thought it would be," Luigi said.

"Why would it have been hard?" Waluigi asked without looking up from his task.

"I don't know. You two fight so much. I thought…" Luigi shrugged. "It doesn't seem like it takes much to get you two yelling at each other. Sometimes."

Waluigi laughed. "Wario is probably the least judgmental person I know. I was never worried about him being mad at me for this. Don't get me wrong, the guy's a total dick. He's just… Way too self-absorbed to give a shit."

Daisy laughed, too, seated at the table with the last few sips of her wine. "I guess that does make a twisted sort of sense."

"Doesn't make him any easier to live with, though." Waluigi deposited the last plate in the washing rack and shoved it closed. As he straightened up and turned around, he hooked a heel under the dishwasher door and kicked it shut behind him. "What time did you have to be home?"

"My alibi is good for the weekend if I need it to be," Daisy said.

"Mario's going to call me if I'm not home by nine, but I'll think of some excuse," Luigi sighed.

"Wanna help me feed the piranha plants, then?" Waluigi asked, picking up the bucket. "They've been in a good mood today. You might get to hear them sing."

Daisy and Luigi exchanged a glance. Singing piranha plants? That was something they had to see.


	8. First Fear

**A/N: This 'second season' plot arc will probably contain some story spoilers for the fan game Psycho Waluigi. I've been wanting to write a fanfic related to that game for quite some time, and working it into this seems easier than trying to start a whole new thing from scratch. Just a heads up.**

_Several Years Ago_

Wario's bike purred to a stop in front of the building on Grimace Lane. He hesitated to call it a house. It had four walls, a door, and a vaguely slanted bit on top that he supposed resembled a roof. As he crunched his way up the gravel walk, it hit him that this was the first time he'd visited Waluigi's new… home. His eyes performed a quick sweep of the dirt road. No two structures in this neighborhood were the same, and yet every single one failed to look like an actual house. This unfortunate street couldn't have been given a more apt name if it had been designed by boos.

The sooner Wario got out of here, the better. The side of a meaty fist pounded on the flimsy door. "Hey, Walu! Open up!"

No answer. Scowling, Wario walked around the side of the building. No windows, but the battered purple and yellow bicycle was chained to a tree at one corner—like anyone would steal that worthless rust heap. Waluigi had to be home, then. Completing his circuit and still finding no other windows or doors, Wario resolved to try knocking one last time. He hammered harder this time. "What's this about you missing nearly a week of work? You know I stuck my neck out to get you that job! Waluigi? Do you hear me?!"

The door creaked open, lock jarred loose by the impatient pounding. Light spilled across a dark floor, finding a single, pointed, orange shoe. As Wario widened the gap to allow more light into the room, the line of shadow retreated up a leg, finding a hand and an arm. The limp limbs splayed like a ragdoll around the man propped up against the threadbare couch. His head drooped so that all Wario could see was the top of his hat. The stench of urine and rotten food hung thick in the air.

"What. The. Fuck…" Wario whispered. As he crossed the small room, his foot kicked something about the size of a dinner plate. A smashed wall clock. "Walu, what happened?" He pulled his brother up by his overall straps. The head lolled back and the hat fell away. Glazed eyes with tiny pupils gazed into distances beyond Wario's perception. Wario's breath caught in his throat for a horrifying moment, until he saw the narrow chest rising and falling with near imperceptible slowness.

He couldn't see anything in this dark crap hole and he couldn't find any functioning light sources. Hooking his arms under his brother's armpits, he moved to drag him closer to the door. As soon as he was shifted, Waluigi stirred. When he felt Wario's grip on him, he screamed and lashed out, kicking and thrashing.

"It's mine, it's mine, let me go!"

"Wal-"

"LET ME GO!"

An elbow caught Wario in the temple. He released his grip instantly. Waluigi thunked to the floor on his back, panting.

"Me… Still me…" And then the lanky man seemed to relax again.

Aside from the gaunt skin and the layer of filth, there didn't seem to be any sign of physical injury. Wario rubbed the side of his head as he contemplated what to do next. Something very bad had happened, even if what wasn't readily obvious. He couldn't leave Waluigi here, but he didn't dare try to pick him up again, much less get him on the back of the motorbike. With a half-growled huff, Wario called for an ambulance. Let someone else get punched in the face.

000

_Present Day_

Luigi hadn't noticed how much noise and presence Waluigi brought to the apartment before. The door to the empty room with the curiously bare mattress yawned at him as he tried to drown out the silence with television. Daisy had picked up a late shift with Mona. Luigi was completely alone. He hated being alone in the evenings.

As he uncurled from his spot on the couch to bring his empty cup to the kitchen, the door to Waluigi's room drew his attention again. Luigi wandered over to it, forgetting his original goal. He stopped in the doorway. His eyes skimmed the dark room. Bare mattress. Bare walls. Bare carpet. The only decoration was the curtain on the window. The room gave Luigi the creeps in the dark and turning on the light didn't help much. No wonder Waluigi had so much trouble sleeping.

The short brunette sat on the mattress. Maybe his doppelganger was so preoccupied with what might happen after he fell asleep that he couldn't get to sleep in the first place. Luigi wished he knew. He hated seeing Waluigi suffer. Any little clue that might give him some idea for how to help…

His eyes fell on the thick, battered notebook sitting next to the bed. Waluigi had spent hours scribbling in that thing over the past few days. Luigi wondered if he might want it while he was in the hospital. He picked it up slowly. It was already open to the most recent page. A quick glance at the cramped chicken scratch answered the moral question for Luigi. He couldn't read it if he wanted to read it. Fanning through it did reveal something rather peculiar in the margins, though. Eyes. Clusters of little, round eyeballs stared at him from the corners of the pages.

Luigi frowned and closed the notebook. Then he stood up and went to find his shoes.

000

When he entered Waluigi's hospital room, he found his doppelganger grinning stupidly at the ceiling with something that resembled an mp3 player in his hand. As he got closer, Luigi realized the wires weren't headphones as he'd first thought. They were attached to the pointed ears with clips on their earlobes. The spindly man turned his head and his grin widened.

"Pipsqueak! What a surprise."

"I found this at home. I thought you might want it." Luigi held out the notebook.

Waluigi looked confused for a second and then nodded. "Oh, right. Yeah. Cool." He took it and then frowned. "Wait, do you have a pen? Never mind. I'll get one from the hospital." He tilted his head, smiling sideways at Luigi. Waluigi's disheveled hair stuck out at particularly odd angles today.

"How are you doing?" Luigi asked, pulling over a chair.

Waluigi sighed. "I hate hospitals. They stink. The nurses, too. The… sick smell gets everywhere." He held up the white electronic device in his hand. "They gave me this, though, so that's cool."

"What is it?" Luigi asked as he leaned in to inspect the numbers flashing on the screen.

"An electronic brainwave stimulator. It's supposed to be for headaches or pain management or something, but there's a doctor that thinks it will help me sleep. Actually, _he_ says the real problem is staying asleep, and this is supposed to help guide my brain through the regular stages of sleep." Waluigi shrugged. "All I know is that stimulating beta waves at the right level makes everything kinda shimmer. And I'm digging _that_."

"You would," Luigi said. "Is it working for its intended purpose at all?"

"This'll be my first night with it. We'll see."

Luigi crossed his arms on the edge of the bed and rested his chin on them. "Can I ask you a personal question?"

Waluigi crinkled his forehead and raised an eyebrow. "The way I see it, you can ask me anything if you've touched my dick. Don't see much point in drawing lines after that, yah know?"

Getting answers was a different story, but Luigi decided not to let his counterpart drag him off topic. "The other night when you were stacking boxes, do you remember anything about what you… Thought you were doing or… I mean do you dream when you're walking around and screaming in your sleep?"

Waluigi frowned as he thought it over. "No," he said slowly. Then he shook his head. "No, not that I can think of. I start out in my bed and then things go blank and then I wake up somewhere else."

"Then the eyes don't mean anything to you?" Luigi looked disappointed.

Waluigi cocked his head. "Did you read my notebook?"

"No." Luigi hunched his shoulders. "You left it open."

"That's exactly the kind of excuse I'd make," Waluigi teased.

"I picked it up to close it," Luigi protested, shrinking to hide his eyes behind the bill of his hat. "The pictures were right there. How could I not see them?"

"Too bad. I'd hoped you'd found your naughty streak." Waluigi poked him in the arm. "Though you protest quite a bit for someone who's completely innocent."

"Your handwriting is illegible anyway," Luigi mumbled.

"So you admit it," Waluigi crowed. "You tried, but you couldn't."

"I'm glad you bounced back so fast, but you're awfully perky for someone who was stabbed two days ago."

"You're here," Waluigi answered simply.

Luigi blushed. "So… um… the eyes?"

"I doodle. It helps me think. Nothing mysterious."

"Oh."

Waluigi lifted the bill of the green hat to peer at his counterpart's face. "You think you're magically gonna find the psychological trigger that keeps me from sleeping, don't you?"

"I wanted to try to help, to the best of my ability."

"Aw. My little hero." Waluigi pinched Luigi's cheek.

The smaller man pouted indignantly and sat back in the chair, readjusting his hat. "I'm serious."

"I have been down this road _so_ many times, Weegee. It's really not something you need to get overly involved in. It's just… Wallpaper in my life at this point. Embarrassing intrusive wallpaper…"

"You saved my life. I want to do something for you."

"Aha! Now we get to it." Waluigi rubbed his chin. "I guess there is a favor you and Daisy can do for me."

"What?" Luigi asked.

"I need you to go out to Quartz Corner, to the flower shop. There are some bat plants left over from the spring inventory. With fall coming and their winter upkeep being kind of finicky, I'd rather move them back to the greenhouse so Pod can take care of them for me. I'd thought about asking someone from the store to bring them up, but I don't really trust anyone else going into the greenhouse itself. The legal status surrounding the whole personal piranha plant size issue is questionable. I only sell miniatures in the store and I like to keep Pod under the radar."

Luigi hesitated. "How big is Pod?"

"Pretty big. I could probably fit in Pod's mouth comfortably, but I've never tried it. Why, you scared?"

"No," Luigi lied. "Anything else?"

"If you want to bring the autumn stock down to the shop you can. I already moved it to the pick-up area. Should be easy to find." He ripped a blank page out of the back of notebook. "See if the gift shop has pens. You might need to write down some of this."

Luigi stood and turned toward the door. A hand grabbed his arm.

"Hey. It is good seeing you. Don't think you gotta carry the world to be helpful."

Luigi smiled and nodded. Waluigi let him go.


End file.
